Foster brother is in constant need of support, constant emergencies, but manipulative, selfish and unappreciative.

hello, I want to keep this a bit anonymous and want to delete this soon, but this feels like a really difficult situation and I need advice.

My old foster brother moved out a few years ago, after living with us for around 8 years. We are family, my mum especially considers him her son. Which means my mum has a grandson, which is what makes this difficult.

They are pretty disrespectful, selfish and impatient when it comes to asking for favours, and they never pay us back or do anything for us. It seems we only speak when they’re desperate for money, a babysitter or help moving again, etc. but if we say no they kick and scream and tell us we never do anything for them and they would do it for us, they thought we loved them, etc…

Clearly they are very unhealthy, we have suggested therapy but they tell us they tried that many times and it didn’t work. Their life has been a mess lately in fairness, 3 breakups and the mother pretty much left the picture… with another of their children… (it is all very messy but I won’t go into it).

We certainly don’t do any of this for them, we do it for the kid whom we love. She is a sweet kid, easy to look after, seems very happy (only 4 years old), but her dad is a total mess. One time dad said he would be back in an hr, as my mum had work in a few hrs and I was at work all day. They were gone all day and completely ghosted us.

The dad has been investigated by CPS and social services and nothing came of it, though the reports did not come from us. My mum is a total pushover. Even though I’ve helped her to understand how horrible her foster son is being, and as much as my mum vents about it, she must bottle it up for the sake of the kid.

It’s all a big mess and I’m just not sure where I/we stand or what we can do.