My ex says he can't get past what I did. Is there any coming back from this?

I’m looking for outside perspectives because I’m struggling to make sense of the end of my first long-term relationship.

I’m 21, and my ex and I were together on and off for about four years. He was my first boyfriend. We broke up a few times throughout the relationship because I was terrible at communication and I couldn't handle long distance while I was away at university, but this breakup feels final.

For context, I made a huge mistake during one of our previous breakups. I vented to my friend through text and said really hurtful things about him. He revealed to me he hooked up with someone a week after the breakup. Maybe it shouldn't have bothered me as much as it did because we were broken up, but it really affected me for some reason and I sent those texts. In the texts, I talked about losing attraction, said he was a loser, and said things that were honestly cruel. I deeply regret those messages. I never intended for him to see them, but months later, when we got back together, he found them. He said reading those texts made him feel betrayed and like everything I ever told him was a lie. I can understand why, it was extremely hurtful.

Fast forward to this year. He found those old texts two months ago, asked for space, and eventually broke up with me. He later told me he had been unhappy for a while and that he couldn’t get past what I said about him.

It’s now been about seven weeks since the breakup. We had one brief conversation after about a month of no contact where we checked in on each other, but it didn’t go anywhere. Recently we talked on the phone because I wanted to explain my side and apologize. He listened, but he also said something that stuck with me: he said we were both just “lessons” for each other. He also said he wasn’t ready to have a deeper conversation yet.

The hardest part is that I still love him. I think about him every day, while it seems like he’s moving on. At the same time, he also says he isn’t ready and doesn’t know when he’ll be ready to have another conversation.

Our relationship wasn’t perfect. There was yelling, poor communication, and we both handled conflict badly. Looking back, I realize I became anxious and lost myself in the relationship. I don’t really know who I am outside of being with him. I’ve started therapy, and I’m trying to work on myself, but grieving my first love has been incredibly difficult.

I know I made mistakes, and I know he did too. I’m not looking for people to tell me one of us is completely right or wrong. I know I messed up and the impact that it had on him. I’m genuinely wondering:

Does this sound like a relationship that simply ran its course?

If you’ve been in a similar situation, what helped you finally let go—or did you eventually find your way back to each other?

Would this be considered emotional burnout and that there is hope for a future, or if too much has happened?