how do you explain executive dysfunction to people who think you’re just being lazy and how do you deal with the shame that comes with it

i've been diagnosed for about a year now and the one thing i still can't figure out is how to handle the shame spiral that comes after a day where i couldn't get anything done.
i know the paralysis is part of adhd. i know it's not laziness. but when my boyfriend sighs because dinner isn't made or my mom asks why i didn't do the one thing i said i would do i believe them. i feel lazy. i feel broken. even though i know logically that's not what's happening.
and the emotional crash at the end of those days is honestly the worst part. worse than the paralysis itself. i'll spend an hour just hating myself for wasting the day and then i can't sleep and then tomorrow is already ruined before it starts.
i've been trying to find ways to break the shame cycle specifically not just the productivity side but the emotional aftermath of a hard day.
how do you all handle the emotional side of executive dysfunction. what do you do after a day where your brain just didn't cooperate. how do you stop the spiral before it takes over the whole night