I technically can go stealth but I don’t believe that I’ll succeed

Going on a somewhat long rant so forgive me if this is depressing.

I’m 19 and starting university in september. Im more than 1 year on t, Ive had top surgery and changed my documents, i don’t get misgendered and haven’t gotten misgendered for a very long time, yet i don’t feel like i pass.

Every time i look in the mirror i see a woman, i feel like i look so unmistakably female and it’s eating me alive. I feel ashamed to leave my house because i feel clocky. I had 3 facial piercings but i already took one out because even tho most people my age in my area have piercings, i feel like everyone would clock me because of them. Besides the piercings i dress basic and very masculine, i don’t want to visually stand out.

I am starting a biology and nature science related university because biology has always been my greatest passion. But i feel like biology is a feminine field and most of my classmates will be girls and that would clock me. But i guess it’s better than pursuing art academy which is even more full of women and queer and trans people. (I am not bragging but i am good at art and i pay my bills with it. I just don’t want to pursue a field that would clock me)

Me being trans has ruined my life so much i don’t want to leave my house and meet people because im scared of getting clocked. I don’t know what to do. I want to take a year off studying so i could work out and focus on looking like a normal man and then join the university i wanted.

I just don’t believe that ill succeed at being stealth, i won’t be able to make friends because ill be too embarrassed of my transsexualism. I want to transition and go stealth and leave this behind