My boyfriend exhausts me

This past weekend wasn't bad at all. The weather was nice, and I got to rest despite being in pain due to having Painful Bladder Syndrome. Luckily I addressed things with my GYN days prior and got my meds before Saturday.

I actually slept and felt ok. Sunday I woke up super earlier but I had energy, so I did some chores. Washed clothes/uniforms for my boyfriend [M28] and I [F27]. Went food shopping and got everything we needed to hold us over for the next few weeks.

I started my second online class and got a good grade on a surprise quiz.

I did all the things to make sure that we both have a relatively okay week.

So, I felt like things were going well, until my boyfriend started complaining about going back to work today. To make a long story short, my boyfriend deals with a lot of unnecessary drama at work. We both do the same job essentially (I want to keep this very vague). I understand his frustrations and luckily he has a therapist now, so he is able to process these anxieties with the therapist. He struggles with depression, anxiety, stress induced seizures. It's a lot.

So, he frequently loses sleep due to his anxiety and then he'll call out of work. This is a frequent issue and he has no PTO. Ok. Great. No money. Cool.

Yet he complains about never having money.

He told me 3 days prior to Saturday that he is out of his SSRI and anxiety meds. Tells me that the Dr that prescribes his meds is too busy to put in a refill or see him. Not sure why he is telling me but to me it's the equivalent to a child telling their mom they threw up. Your meds are your own responsibility no? Guess this is his version of a heads up.

Should I be upset? Maybe not. I don't know. It's not my brain or my body at risk but I was upset. I was upset because I knew that shit was going to hit the fan at some point in time. My body already knows what my mind is trying to ignore.

So here he is without medication besides his seizure meds. I wake up this morning and he's having a full panic attack. He's asking me to comfort him. It's 5:00AM, and I have to start getting ready for work.

He's begging me to comfort him. I sleep an extra few minutes, holding him but now it's cutting into my time of getting ready and getting to work on time. I get up and he just starts spiraling again, begging me to comfort him. Again.

This has happened so many times. I get into a bad mood because now my morning routine is off, and then he has the audacity to ask me why I am upset.

Why am I upset? because the person I live with and have been with for almost 5 years, is draining me emotionally and mentally due to not taking accountability for themselves.

But I try to reframe it in my mind. Maybe I am being too impatient, maybe I am not being affectionate enough, maybe there's something I am doing wrong.

How many times can I reframe a situation in my mind? How many times can I truly accommodate someone else? Where is my energy going? What am I doing wrong? Is it me? I don't know