I had my first kid with my husband at 28 after being together since 16. Now at 31 with my second kid about to turn one, I'm really proud and happy about how we've grown over these past 3 years.           

  
Originally the plan was for both of us to work and put kids in daycare. After I got pregnant, he approached me about being a stay at home dad. I was the higher earner and had more of a "career" (not that he wasn't also doing well). The numbers worked and I liked the thought of our kids being home (and thought I wouldn't do well as a sahm) so the plan was I would take my 12 weeks of leave and then he would take his 10 weeks of leave and then quit his job (a win for gender equality in the workforce lol).            

  
In hindsight, I definitely had postpartum depression, but my husband also didn't really understand how to fall into the equal parent role. He would cook and clean and work, but he would also go spend hours on hobbies while I felt like I was drowning having to keep a baby happy 24/7. I had so much guilt about not being a good mom and not enjoying things, but I just white knuckled until I went back to work. I figured things would equalize then.               

  
I was breastfeeding and doing night feeds and pumping at work, so it wasn't an easy return to work. I also always immediately took baby from my husband when I got home so he had time to feel like a person (thank you guilt).            

  
The first weekend after I was back at work, I got up with baby to let my husband sleep in, and then he proceeded to just laze the morning away in his room goofing off. I finally bothered him around noon like "hey-o is there anything you want to do today? I'd like to shower and nap...."          

  
He finally came and joined us by 2:00. Fast forward and it's 8:30 at night and I've still not had a break and I'm trying to play happy family while he decides we should make cookies together and baby starts his evening meltdown. I take baby to try and get them to settle while also having a meltdown myself. My husband finally understands things are Not Okay\^TM. I yell "do you even care about me" at him and go cry in the shower (only time I've yelled in 15 years).         

  
Since then, we've both grown so much. There were more bumpy times, and times when the load was unavoidably uneven (thanks biology), but we both had to learn roles we weren't socialized for (conservative upbringing). I had to stop over functioning and express my needs. I needed to give him time to learn a role I had trained for my entire adolescents. I had to let go of unspoken expectations and figure out what our unique situation made sense to be.            

  
These past few months, we keep finding each other thanking the other person for doing "everything" that day and then being like "No, I felt like YOU were the one doing everything." Our children are so happy and enriched. My husband has endless patience and energy dealing with the chaos of 2 children. He is absolutely unflappable. There are so many tasks that I honestly feel like I need to up my game at. This past weekend this man was showing me my OWN retirement planning and that I will probably not need to work after 55. He also dealt with the racoons trying to eat our chickens and deep cleaned the minivan.           

  
We might have gotten here if our roles were reversed, but it might have taken too long and let too much resentment creep in.           

I'm so glad we got to where we are because this man is my best friend. I laugh every day with him. I love they way he approaches the world and solves problems. He is so kind. He is so smart and never stops learning. He is a phenomenal lover and makes me feel great being me. He constantly inspires me to grow.         

Pictured: backyard eggs with hot sauce and venison roadkill breakfast sausage (a story for another time).

My husband was a shit father but is an awesome "mother"