[1,850] - C<O>rpse Watcher

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[ Critique Made Here ] ( 1853 )

C<O>rpse Watcher - Prologue, Part [1] [~1,850 words, dark sci-fi / grief / psychological horror ]

Content Warning:

- death of a loved one

- blood

- grief

- dark intrusive thoughts

- self-directed psychological abuse

Story Blurb:

Through ALL, everything was remembered. Through ALL, everything was forgotten. A death-rattle built by a dying world - a shepherd for the flock of what remained. And what remained was scarcity. The dome could only hold so many; impossible questions arose, and it was ALL that answered them. All it asked in return? A Listener: a person whose sole purpose is to translate answer into action - misery made manifest in flesh, all through a simple signature.

Samantha signed such signatures. It was her purpose. Her hands remember every one. Now she carries a new purpose, shared with four others: a machine built like a coffin, riding to the brain of the god they intend to kill. But before the god can die, their leader does - bleeding out in her lap while the others look anywhere else. The dome taught her that suffering can be measured, priced, and filed. Eli will teach her what no form ever asked: Grief ignored doesn't disappear. It compounds.

Eternal Truth. Eternal Mercy. Eternally ALL.

A note on notation:

<O> and <x> mark the speakers in the narrator's internal exchanges. Single-voice thoughts appear in *italics*

For feedback, it'll just be 3 areas:

- Immersion; how real does Samantha feel as a character.

- Emotions; does the story make you feel anything, and if so what?

- Interest; how well does the story create plot threads that pull you, the reader, in?

That'll be all, thanks!