Update: my family’s reaction to my (M29) engagement to my fiancée (F28)

Update: my family’s reaction to my (M29) engagement to my fiancée (F28)

About a year ago I made two posts about my family’s reaction to my engagement. (https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/s/YH1RYovUfk) (https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/s/suehoALdpG)

TL;DR: The short version is that when my fiancée and I announced we were engaged, instead of celebrating with us, my mom and sister immediately focused on not being involved in the proposal. My sister stormed off after saying she felt like “second choice” because I had spoken to my fiancée’s parents before proposing. Over the following months there was very little healthy communication. My sister made passive-aggressive social media posts about family loyalty and exclusion, and eventually reached out wanting to talk to “just her brother.” I chose not to engage at that time because there had still been no accountability for how they reacted to our engagement.

Fast forward to recently.

My fiancée and I went over to my family’s for dinner, the first time in a long time we were invited over. My fiancee then went to a show with her mom and sisters, so when she left my sister asked if she could come over to my house. She wanted to share evidence she had obtained to my uncles tragic death last year. That part of the visit went fine. Eventually the conversation shifted to the wedding, and things completely unraveled.

She told me it was disrespectful that she wasn’t included in the wedding party. Then she spent a large part of the conversation criticizing my fiancée and our relationship. Among other things, she told me:
- My fiancée is disrespectful.
- My fiancée isn’t good enough for me.
- My fiancée’s family basically “pawned her off” on me.
- I’m wearing “rose-colored glasses.”
- I’m blinded by love.
- I’m rushing into marriage.
- When I mentioned having kids one day, her response was “Whoa, slow down there.”

She also told me one of my best friends (who is in my wedding party) thinks I’ve changed since I started dating my fiancée.

I repeatedly told her that if she has issues with my fiancée, she should speak to her directly. I also told her that I believe my family is angry with me and is taking it out on my fiancée, who has done nothing to deserve this. I made it clear that my future wife comes first and that I won’t tolerate attacks on her.

She also admitted she had known for weeks that my estranged father (hadn’t heard from him in 25 years) had received a message I sent him and had responded through her. When I asked why she never told me, she first said she’d been angry with me and later said she wanted to “see how it’d play out.” That really damaged my trust.

After she left, my fiancée reached out to her multiple times asking to have a conversation because many of the things my sister said were directly about her. My sister had told me before leaving that she would talk with her.

Instead, she largely ignored those messages. Eventually my sister and I started texting. The texts escalated dramatically. She told me:
- I’ve become “unrecognizable.”
- I’m no longer my own man.
- My texts sound “programmed.”
- I’m not taking Holy Matrimony seriously.
- She compared my current relationship to multiple ex-girlfriends.
- She told me to “go see a priest.”

The part that hurt the most was when she compared my commitment to my future wife to our uncle’s addiction. For context, our uncle died from a fentanyl overdose. She literally wrote that I’m “addicted to love” in the same way he was addicted to numbing his pain.

Earlier, in person, she had brought up our uncle and I specifically asked if she was comparing me to him. She denied it. Then she made the comparison explicitly over text. At the same time, she insists she loves me, wants her brother back, and says she’ll always pray for me.

Throughout all of this, she has maintained that the real issue is that I’ve changed and that our family was excluded from everything involving the proposal and wedding planning.

From my perspective, the biggest thing that’s changed is that I’m preparing to become a husband. My priorities have shifted toward protecting my future marriage, and I’m no longer willing to tolerate behavior that I used to ignore.

At this point I’m genuinely questioning whether someone who believes my relationship is fundamentally unhealthy, compares my love for my fiancée to addiction, and repeatedly criticizes her should even be present at our wedding.

Would you uninvite an immediate family member over this?