Getting over someone I still want… possible???

I broke up with my partner in Feb for the second time (we were in a weird limbo of trying for several months after the first breakup) because love just wasn’t enough. Our relationship was messy from the beginning and although we both played heavy roles in creating an unstable dynamic, she was typically the primary instigator of many “bad” situations.

It’s complicated and long but after enough things happened and then one really big thing, my patience and understanding wore out and I was utterly exhausted. I decided to end things because I really didn’t recognize myself anymore. I was sick of giving someone who kept repeating behaviors I expressed were harmful the benefit of the doubt. I realized I only have control of myself and what I keep myself in, but I can’t change another person or help them heal wounds I didn’t create.

That all said, I still love her. I loved her both times I broke up with her, and every time I went back. This was my first and only romantic relationship so I don’t have anything to compare it to, but man I never thought I’d be the one to breakup with anyone. It really takes a LOT to lose me, and even when I do walk away it never really get over things.

It is SO hard to walk away from someone you love and then hold yourself to that decision and keep yourself away. I still miss her, I still want her, I still think of her anytime I do anything. I just want this to end. I don’t know how to give up hope that things can be different some day or they’ll magically fall into place and she’ll text. I don’t know how to even begin to move forward and I’m worried I never will. How do you let go of someone you still want to be with?