I'm going insane and suicidal, what's wrong with me (Kinda long post)

I'm a young guy in 20s with severe ADHD and social anxiety. I'm not sure if this is linked with this two disorders which is what I need help with. For context: I love overthinking about psychological and philosophical stuff, but it often backfires at me.

For example, I'm an artist and I draw extremely well from imagination and I'm talented at it since childhood, but once I came to conclusion that does not make me creative. Yes I can draw well technically but that does not mean I'll have an original ideas. That applies to taste as well: colors, fashion, composition, etc. (Someone like Kim Jung Gi wasn't necessarily creative either as an example.)

This grew into an extreme insecurity and I very often, forcefully try to think of original ideas OR fashion designs to challenge myself. This happens at very random times and I try to solve it like a math puzzle and I fry my brain to oblivion. Sometimes I think I'm just naturally not creative and that makes me extremely depressed.

Ironically, I have maaany creative ideas but even if it's slightly came out of overthinking, or slight inspiration my brain does not accept it as my own idea, because then I think anyone can think of good ideas like that even if it's not so, and I want to be much better than that. Then I try to compensate it with another, better idea but I try to think about it faster. Endless cycle.

This does not apply to specifically to ideas and drawing but also body dysphoria. I'm good looking but every time I look in mirror I always stare long and notice extremely mild asymmetries. I also take 500+ photos a month of my face, side profile in different lightnings, variations, smiling, not smiling, trying to analyze flaws.

This makes my hobbies extremely unenjoyable and I already have ADHD so this only makes me procrastinate more. I'm getting suicidal cause I realized I won't live another 60 years with this kind of criticizing brain.