Betrayal

Been eating at me for awhile, I have to outlet it somewhere.

Dating a person for two years, dumped about two months ago. Was depressed while this person was in school. They felt I wasn’t there for them during there stress due to the depression. I could’ve done better but I was limited. I still went up 3-4 days a week and spoke everyday calls/texts. They held a lot of resentment towards me for this. This was fall 2025-Jan 2026. Family member closest to me was fading due to cancer during this time. They entered hospice Feb, I was the main caregiver. I still made time for my ex, going up 2 days out of the week and caring for family member other 5 days. They pass a month later. I wasn’t there because it was during the two days I was with my ex. Two weeks after the funeral my Ex takes space due to resentment from the time I wasn’t there for her. Won’t text me good morning cause she felt overwhelmed. I had to fight to get any love. Barely spoke to me during the day, dry phone call at night. Also to note I moved into the home that my family member lived/died in. So I’m extremely isolated and surrounded by grief. Yet my ex made this whole time about her. To the point, I debased myself into thinking she was right and I was a piece of shit for not being there. So I spent all the my energy trying to make it right. Bending over backwards to caterer to her needs. Yet she’d be mean and thank me then say really could’ve used this months ago or just consistently put me down for the period she deemed I wasn’t there for her. This went on for two months. We were talking about living together. She asked me about kids, living together details then dumped me four days later due to the resentment and feeling like she lost herself. I thought we had workable issues, she didn’t. Since then somewhat communication we speak every now and again. Saw eachother couple times. Even asked her to work it out couple times and I will admit the last one I promised to be better pretty pathetic , just to be reminded I’m a piece of shit who can’t be trusted when she needs help.

So recently after friends, therapy and self reflection I saw the situation with 100% clarity . I feel the shock/denial going away. The person I loved, abandoned me during my darkest time of life and then put me down for months and showed me zero empathy. I also made a decision to spend my loved one’s final two days on earth with the person who would go on to basically stabbed me in the face. I thought my loved one had more time. So now here I am. Grieving my relationship and my loved one. Both are deaths basically because my ex showed me they weren’t who I thought they were for two years in one of the worst ways possible. So now I’ll have regret forever that I didn’t say goodbye to the person who was there since the beginning and I wasn’t there at the end due to misguide priorities. Life will go on but I’m at a loss of words for what happened.

I suppose if anyone actually reads this. I’ve been taught since I was young love is conditional by everyone expect my dad/passed away loved one so I have a messed up attachment issue . I’ve always craved love and a relationship. To the point I lessen myself and will overlook alot just to remain in one and even when they leave if they do me dirty I’ll bend and ask for them back. Well no more of that nonsense. Pick yourself people. Learn to have self respect and love yourself I didn’t and the worst happened. I’m on the road to getting that now though.