[2462] Extract from Fresh

Hello All,

I have been feeling inspired as of late. I previously submitted an extract from my short story Fresh and received lots of positive feedback, so I've sat down and written some more. Let me know what you think.

Critique [3434]

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ZHbylC3eXt4sY2oWtD4Gx5By_VBpo_6W_7UzpjjXcUM/edit?usp=sharing