I'm not exactly sure on how to cross post, but I'm hoping that you folk could give me some advice. Thanks alot!
Posted Jan 13, 2014, 4:15 AM UTC · edited
I had my first at 22. I'm now a grandfather.
My advice? Go to school. Get a great job that you have a passion for at a company that allows balance between work and home life. Work your ass off, but play hard too.
Oh. Change diapers. Huge points with mama bear.
Thanks! What age are you now if you don't mind me asking? I'm considering an apprenticeship programming job which has the potential to set me up with a decent job.. of which I'm hoping to hear back from them in a few hours! I've been hardly able to sleep since hearing the news.
Changing nappies.. yeah.. that is something that'll get needing used to! :)
Congrats! I have an 8 month old, so here are some tips for you: During pregnancy: Be patient. Pregnancy can be hard on a woman, with morning sickness, fatigue, back pains, headaches, cravings, mood swings, constant congestion (yes, that's a thing. Mine lasted all 9 months), frequent urination and other things. Try to be patient with her, even when she's laying in bed with the AC on full blast in the middle of a snow storm. Don't dismiss her feelings because they're "just" hormones (well, you can think what you want, but just don't tell her that her feelings are only hormonal). Go to prenatal appointments, if possible. Help her eat healthy. Help her exercise. (The eating healthy and exercise can be tough for some, especially those with severe morning sickness but do the best you can). Help her with chores around the house. Be there for her when she's giving birth.
With the newborn: Be supportive!!! If she chooses to breast feed, SUPPORT HER. I speak from experience, it's soooooo hard without support. The first few weeks with a newborn are tough (not just for breast feeding, they're tough no matter what). If possible, alternate night waking with the baby. Change diapers! Trust me, you get used to it. And the newborn phase goes by fast! I swear, my son was a tiny little 7-lb squish just yesterday and now he's climbing up the side of the couch -___-.
Oh, and the most important thing: let her know you love her and appreciate her and still find her beautiful. She may not feel so sexy at times, with stretch marks and a constant layer of sweat, swollen fingers and ankles, so she needs to hear that you still love her and find her amazing.
During the first few months after your baby is born, care for your girlfriend so that she can care for your baby. She will spend a lot of time feeding the baby, holding the baby, cuddling with the baby. She will be obsessed with the baby - which is what our species does with infants. So that she has time to do that, cook for her, do her laundry, run her errands, remind/force her to shower daily.
Congratulations!
As the mom of a 2 year old, I can just say.... Be supportive of your girlfriend. Show excitement for the pregnancy and planning for the new baby. Be open to talking with her about it. Talk names with her. Go shopping for baby things with her. Get her a support belt and pregnancy wedge pillow for when her belly gets bigger.
Ask her how she is feeling. Be sensitive to her needs. She may legitimately feel like she has a chronic stomach flu for the first 3-4 months of pregnancy, and that really throws a person off, in addition to allthe other physical, hormonal, and mental changes.
Once baby is here, just continue to be supportive. It is hard work for everyone, and a daddy who volunteers to take on extra duties....especially baby related ones....is a wonderful thing. While it may seem at first that she is the only one baby needs, be sure to spend some time interacting with baby every day. You can bond with baby in many ways, just by providing physical contact, eye contact, cuddles, and visua stimulation.
Offer her a break whenever you can so she can nap, exercise, run an errand alone, or see a friend.
And of course, be supportive of her parenting decisions. Your opinions are very important, too, but do try to tap in to where she is coming from with her opinions and views.
Again, congratulations!!!
simple. set the best example you can every day. love your woman, and raise your child with understanding and patience. it's all what you make of it.
[deleted]
Congrats!! You seem already so invested in being a good dad by trying to prepare yourself. I don't have kids, but I hear there is never any way to truly prepare yourself except to just be there. My younger cousin(male) just recently had two kids with his now wife. He confides in me that it's difficult at times because as much as he loves his kids, he also longs for some of the attention his wife had exclusively for him. I think just communicating that with her helps them a lot. He doesn't just bottle up his feelings even though he may feel guilty for having them. They seem to really want to make things work, and I wish you and your girlfriend the same!
[deleted]
This may sound really obvious, but treat your wife, and women in general, with respect. I don't mean not disrespecting them; I don't mean just being nice. I mean really respecting them and appreciating them for what they do and who they are. If you have a daughter, you have no idea the kinds of signals she will take from you over the years that will shape her self-image and what she expects from men in her life. My dad is a great guy and great father, but there are many things I struggled with coming into adulthood because of his casually sexist remarks about women on tv, the way he would criticize my mom, his insistence that my mom dote on him, etc. And if you have a son, he will pick up a lot from how you treat women, too.
Help out!!! Even if you feel like you are doing it wrong or just in the way, always pitch in. It's gonna be hard and she will have a hard time showing appreciation because its so hard being a new mom and no matter what our rational brain says our hormones go insane and we follow suit most of the time. But having a man that she knows she can rely on for everything from grabing the pacifier out of the car to taking the baby to daycare so that she can sleep in will mean the world to her.
Don't over think or over stress things with the baby. Remember people have been having babies for a LONG time, well before all the books, articles, and tv shows saying what is best for the child. Go with your gut. If something is seriously wrong you will know.
Also a great piece of advice with feeding a child (this is general, not for babies with health issues that have been diagnosed): if the baby does not want to eat don't freak out. There are starving children all over the world, but not ones being offered food.
My advice is to subscribe to r/predaddit and r/BabyBumps! A wealth of information and awesome communities. I've never had a baby so that's the extent of my advice.
Ah fantastic!