1 Year Coming Up

It's been almost a year now since we lost our 3-year-old suddenly in his sleep. His birthday is the 15th and the year anniversary of his death is the 23rd. He got to be 3 for about a week. He should be turning 4... but he's not.

Even though it isn't August yet, I just feel a chill over my skin. I'm tired, the kind of tired sleep doesn't fix. I'm getting a little snappy, but I'm trying to keep it under control. I don't feel like eating. I am finding it near impossible to do the things I enjoy. I'm sitting stuck to this phone without wanting to be because everything else seems so monumental, especially after being at work.

I can't tell if it's grief or not. It feels like it. I miss my boy. I miss him so much. I just want to hold him again. I'm so tired of pressing forward, but every time I stop, I don't feel like I'm resting...

I don't know what to do with myself. What do I do with myself?