39 [M4F] #Seattle Washington Afraid to ask, but Im looking for a cuck relationship with a woman who enjoys teaching me to feel small and unable to please her while drilling into my head how good other men fuck her

Ive never beem cucked before. Cheated one. Never tasted a creampie, especially another mans. Never watched a woman cum harder on another mans dick. But Ive spent years jerking off to cuck porn and now its an addiction that I cant shake off. I cant go a day without jacking off to videos of women cheating on their men for being too small for them. Getting creampied by bigger dicks. Feeding those creampies to their men. Holding their mans hands, looking him in the eyes, kissing him while another man fucks her better than him. Making him try to fuck her good and making sure he knows exactly how badly he is failing. Making sure he cums knowing he didnt make her cum. That he didnt fuck her like a real man. I jerk off to videos of girlfriends and wives coming home filled with cum. Or calling their men and making them listen. I even jerk off to videos of women getting really bred by other men from all the cheating and the creampies. I cant shake the need to let a woman take me and turn me into a cuck for real. To let a woman wrap me around her fingers and use her slutty cheating sex to make me so much less of a man as she addicts me to all of the things she does. I need it. I shouldnt, but I do. I need to let a woman teach me what her pleasure looks like when a man is actually big enough. And make me feel what its like to try to make her feel that way and fail so completely that my ego permanently shatters. But to addict me to it so she gets to keep drilling it into me as she turns my brains to mush with the power of her cheating sex.

I dont know if thats the sort of thing that turns you on, but maybe it is and maybe you want to show me how it feels to watch another man fuck you the way I wish I was able to? To teach me how it feels to be permanently defeated by biology and your cheating pussy?