Anyone else just feel hollow and empty?

I made this alt account to explore this side of myself, I’m a very isolated and reserved person and this year is the first time I’ve ever interacted with any people in this way. I’ve posted myself a few times and felt desired for the first time in my life, but I feel worse about myself than before.

I feel like I’ve turned into a person I would mock not that long ago, making thirsty comments to only fans models, posting pics of myself, feeling like absolute shit if I don’t get any attention. I need to be living my actual life, but for reasons I’m not going to get into here it’s felt out of the picture for a very long time. I want love, I want genuine human connection, I’ve always felt like I’m completely undesirable and it was a huge boost to have people like my pics but all it takes is one post with no interaction to make me feel completely worthless again.

I don’t know why I’m even making this post I know no one will see it, kind of just talking into the void