Everything is temporary.

It's so cold here and windy. I'm in a place called Lilydale. Hahah. Saw it on the map and i thought i needed to visit it. If you know a little bit about me you'll know why. Its cute here. There is a large cemetery. I'm walking around it now as in typing. There is nobody about but lots of the graves are tended... Flowers and little trinkets and things. Do people really care after you die? There are lots of those pinwheels... spinning bc of the wind... it's so fucking pretty and beautiful and I wish if wasn't so cold.

Looking at the graves, all these beautiful inscriptions..."loving wife of.... loved husband of..in memory of... always in our hearts... much loved... close to our hearts you will always stay loved and remembered everyday... reunited and together forever..". On and on.

So many platitudes.... ALL SHIT. ALL LIES. Engraved on fucking stone for everyone to fucking look at. People are so good at lying to themselves and others. And people love to believe this shit, maybe because if they didn't believe this what else would they have?

Do you think love can conquer loss?? If love is real then why did mine end? If hope exists then hope is nothing but self deception.

There is nothing for me here. I don't know what I expected to find here but it wasn't this feeling of desolation and emptiness while walking around beautiful gardens. And there is and will be nothing for me back home. So why should I even return?

The pinwheels are really pretty and so are the flowers and the trees and these lawns but does it even matter?

Everything is rotten. Everything is meaningless. Everything is temporary.