Everyone is telling me to run.

We’ve been married 13 years, we have three kids. For the last 7 years my husband has been abusing his stimulant medication. Doctor shopping, blowing through two 30day scripts in at least 2 weeks. Then one day he came home and said he wanted a divorce and left. Found out real quick he had been cheating. About 30 days in he said he didn’t want a divorce and wanted to come home and get clean. He was living with said other person at time. He tried to move all of his stuff home and did. But it wouldn’t stick. He ended up getting her evicted from the house they were living in for not paying it. This affair scandal lasted about a year after he said he didn’t want it. It ended in her getting an ex parte because he was nuts. I separated from him after this and the. Went back…We stayed together. I know. I know. Should have left then. I tried to stick it out until this past May. So about 2 years in between. But he kept filling and it got bad. He was lazy and a pig, and mean and became verbally abusive and then one day he slapped me really hard on the back and when I turned to him he said you fucking bitxh. My oldest had already said he was either going to run away or go leave with my parents. So I allowed it. My little two had no nervous system because of his behavior. He doesn’t think that’s his fault. It’s mine. That’s kind of when I fully decided to leave. In the last 4 years, Meds didn’t last about a week, we had to sell our home, lost a vehicle, he would blow through my paycheck because he quit his job during the first affair. So in May I took the kids and left. I told him I wanted him to go to rehab and get help but I loved him. He was mad at first. Then started asking when I was coming back and wtf my plan was and I kept saying to get help and even sent him places and his insurance and all the things. He was mad because I kept my paychecks from him. I separated our money. I noticed mid June he started acted strange. I checked the phone bill and sure enough he had talking to someone else. Obviously I called him out on it. He lied. Then about two weeks later he’s talking to more than one female. He admitted that he had been using dating sites. He got banned from tinder. All while telling me everything is my fault because I left. He denies still using because he’s afraid I am going to record him. But I know and can tell he’s still using. During the first affair, I was pregnant and I went to file for divorce. He recently scolded me for what the lawyer had written about him. and that I should have stood up for him. I know what I need to do, I have just fought to hard for him and been married so long, it’s like throwing away that cozy favorite T-shirt with holes. Someone recently said, don’t let hope become your drug of choice and I have held onto that ever since. I am a Christian and I don’t want to give up on the person he once was before all of this. but everyone is telling me to run.

I didn’t marry an addict, he became one.