Kept the birth of my child private and now I’m paying for it UPDATE 2

Here are the links for my first two posts!

Post #1
https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/s/eVb3i4j05o

Post #2
https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/s/WfGyMGS6pW

After maintaining privacy of my birth months back, my family acted kinda crazy. All the details are in the previous two posts. I don’t have anything super interesting that happened but I’m kinda feeling like this is where things are just going to land relationship wise with my parents.

First of all- in my last post- I said my grandma sent a text that made me upset. I asked her about it. It turns out it was a misunderstanding with the picture rules and she thought she had done something wrong. We’re all good now.

With my parents- my dad still hasn’t spoken to me, and I don’t think he will. Honestly, he would have to fully apologize for our relationship to ever even start to move back to how it once was. My mom keeps hinting at me talking to my dad asking if I’ve thought about speaking to him and low key trying to guilt me saying she hopes too much time doesn’t go by because you never know what’ll happen etc etc…i understand she wants our family to be back to normal, but I can’t just reach out to my dad after everything he said. I apologized for hurting his feelings, and he just was so mean and aggressive towards me and i literally couldn’t even get out of the hospital bed on my own yet! Anyway, I honestly get really frustrated when she says these things and I just disappear for a few weeks until I feel like I have the energy to talk to her again. Idk if I should address this or if it would be a waste of time? Part of me feels like me stating that I will not be reaching out to him because there’s nothing left for me to say will somehow be weaponized.

I feel a little bit guilty saying this, but after a little time to heal and just taking a step back from everyone, I feel like I can breathe. I don’t have to walk on eggshells and please someone who doesn’t care about my wants and needs, even in my most vulnerable moment.

Anyway, not the most interesting update but I just wanted to put out there that I have prayed a whole lot and have taken time to heal and I just am feeling so much better than when I made the initial post. I truly dread the day my dad reaches out if I’m being honest, because I don’t think it will be an apology. I think I’m open to talking about things and trying to repair the relationship, but if it doesn’t start with a serious apology I’m just going to be done. I also just think about the possibility of him doing this again, and him talking to my child one day the way he did and has previously spoken to me and it makes me just want to take my little family and go off the grid🫠

I think this will be my last update unless something insane happens in the future, but I’m not banking on it. Thanks to everyone who has been supportive and so kind on my other posts😭 it really helped me so much in such a crappy time.