Unrequited Feelings For Friends Cousin

I’ve been a family friend of this girl for quite some time. A while ago, I started developing feelings for her beyond the normal, wholesome affection that came with the dynamic we’d already had. She’s incredibly kind, genuinely cares about everyone, charismatic, intelligent, and simply gorgeous. She checks just about every major value and attribute I look for in someone.

The emotions seemed to hit me like a truck, all at once and completely involuntarily, and I’m still deeply puzzled as to why they surfaced so intensely.

I did act in subtle ways to show I was interested, although I think she was probably oblivious to them. The last time we talked, though, she seemed noticeably colder than usual, and that onset a pretty gut-wrenching feeling. Meanwhile all I could think about was how perfect she is. It seems fairly clear that she just doesn’t see me as someone she’s sexually or romantically attracted to, and that stings. Although, with how the roads will steer our lives even if there was reciprocation it’s entirely for the best with rational thinking. Neither will I let something I cannot have drive me obsessive, but there is a sense of grief for what could have been feasible.

I’m relatively well versed in emotional regulation and reading emotions, so this whole situation has made me second-guess a lot of what I thought I understood. It’s been another step in maturing, I suppose. I’m still processing everything and trying to let the emotions run their course rather than react impulsively, because the last thing I want to do is damage the dynamic we’ve had for years.