Trying to nerf my brain on purpose?

I've got audhd apparently and just got diagnosed a few months ago, then started vyvanse for my adhd. I was doing fine in college (by NT standards) before i got diagnosed despite being an insane crammer for most of it, but then vyvanse made the work I would spend half my day avoiding become so automatic i barely even had to think about it anymore. And suddenly all that space the stress was taking up became very uncomfortably evident.

I keep myself busy year-round and am working in two labs rn, but gosh i genuinely can't stand being medicated without nerfing myself in some other manner. Unless im hyperfocused on something, its like only part of my brain is doing the work while the rest of my brain is doing existential backflips and just craving more stimulation. This summer i've basically ended up making myself operate on like 4 hrs of sleep and caffeine and one meal a day and like its objectively a terrible way to live but it makes me feel more normal??? it just narrows the world back down to making it thru lab and working on my projects and going on that run instead of feeling the crushing weight of 50 years and myself as a person. idk if this is a med thing or not but damn