im scared of my attraction to older men

my name’s eden, i’m 15 and i’m ftm. i literally just turned 15 like 2 weeks ago, and this has been bothering me so much that i don’t even know who else to tell.

i’ve never liked or dated anyone my age. for some reason i’m only really attracted to older men. i’ve tried talking to people my age both online and irl, but i just can’t connect with them the same way. i honestly feel like i’ve always been attracted to older people and was just in denial about it for years.

it also feels like these feelings have just been getting stronger lately. older men talk to me and treat me in a way that makes me feel so safe, understood, and actually cared about. i know that probably sounds really messed up. i used to think people who felt like this were weird, and now i’m literally one of them.

i’ve never acted on any of these thoughts, especially not in real life, but i’m scared that one day i won’t have as much self control. i’m in therapy, but i’m way too embarrassed to tell my therapist because i feel disgusting even admitting any of this. i know it’s probably something i should talk about, but i can’t bring myself to say it out loud.

i don’t even know why i’m like this. i seriously don’t know what to do anymore.