I know theres something wrong with me

Ok so im a 19yr old girl.

I genuinely dont know who i am. If someone asked me to explain myself i wouldnt be able to. Everything i think i know about myself is just me mirroring whoever im talking to at the moment all my hobbies and dislikes are things i think others would like.

Im also just a damn loser i struggle so much with simple things like my hygiene for example i will literally not shower for like a month and i force myself to brush my teeth if i could i would just lay in bed until i have to go back to sleep.

I get these random waves of sadness and i cant talk about my feelings because i feel like im begging for attention. I dont think theres ever been a point in time where ive been honest with my feelings but i want people to notice and say something.

Im also muslim and havent been praying recently so i have this crippling guilt but i somehow cant get myself to pray or anything matter of fact. I feel like all ghis is because im not praying but i cant get myself to

I just wish i could clone myself cuz i dont think ill ever be understood i feel like an alien and i dont really belong here. Im also incredibly insecure. I have an ed mindset but can never act on it since im too much of a pig to put down the fork

I dont wanna kms tho only because thats too much work and pain and its haram. Wish i could just unplug and go peacefully.

Ps. I hope this is the right sub for this. I dont really jnow what i want from writing this just wanted someone to know i guess 🤷