I want to believe so bad but it’s hard

I am not making this post out of spit or to hate on any religion especially Christianity. I’m making this because I want to be convinced and I want to see and feel something. I use to be strong. I was lean, free, and a great fighter. Then I graduated high-school. I got fat and now I struggle with sense of self. I see the greed, corruption, and pain all around me. I’m more depressed than ever. I’m getting overwhelmed by sin. I was a someone now I am just here. But every now and then I get reminded of God. And no other religion has really touched me in thought besides Islam and Christianity. Mainly Catholicism. I want to find glory, I want to find hope, and I want to find courage. I lost myself. And I see it in Christianity. But I just can’t believe. I don’t understand proof, I don’t understand the hatred and brutality of the world, if there is a God why does he let all this happen. I’m not going to expand on that because I’m sure you know what I mean especially with the current day state. I’m currently losing weight and gaining strength again. But I also want to find faith because I can hardly find faith for myself. Please tell me some, convince me, show me evidence and truth. And tell me why. I hope this does not offend or anger anyone, I just would like some help and I would like to be convinced. All love, keep on pushing.