I 19f am missing my ex after 2 years should I text him ?

We broke up sort of harshly , maybe I was harsh towards him. I carried that guilt along with me for 2 years , and in this jan I text him on his birthday, n we talked for a bit like good 👍🏽 feelings only n then blocked .but idk .why tf he is on my mind lately like whyyyy😭😭.I never really missed him in whole 2 years cause I was reliefed cause our relationship was very toxic for us

We were giving our 12th back then jee neet . N didn't lived with his parents , living alone had issues in family plus even our relationship was also getting toxic . I wanted to leave . But I couldn't cause I didn't wanted to hurt him more ... N it felt like I was sort of trapped but it kept getting worse and worse , n i finally snapped .. we broke up in such a timing that my neet was

Only 1 month away . But during that time i didnt even thought of him . Idkyy. I didn't think for whole 1.5 years .i was relieved n didn't wanted to think about anything .. but why the fuck i am missing him nowww