Did I do the right thing by stepping away from someone who kept saying he's not sure about long term commitment?
Disclaimer: I have never dated anyone, so this is my first romantic experience.
I (26F) have been seeing someone (26M) for a bit less than 2 months. We're neighbors, we naturally got to know each other by seeing each other almost every day. We spent a lot of time together, flirted, had some really meaningful conversations, had one movie night together which kickstarted the intimacy, and it felt like we were slowly building something. We were texting everyday, topics ranged from religion to relationships to banter to simple updates about his day. It felt good while it lasted.
Two weeks after the movie night and increasing intimacy, he decided to tell me that he really liked me but he didn't know if he could commit long term because the job market is bad and he's exploring career opportunities outside of the city we live in. He was also apparently going through a very busy period with work and interviews, so I tried to be understanding and not push for anything, I tried to initiate some hangouts and show him support through little acts of care. Over time, I started feeling like the relationship wasn't really moving forward.
I kept wondering whether he was genuinely overwhelmed or whether he was gradually losing interest. I once asked to have a serious conversation face to face to ask what his intentions were for the moment, beyond the uncertainty of what the upcoming months hold in terms of job search and choosing a place to settle down, but he just told me the same thing again: "I'm not sure, my focus right now has shifted from you to job search, but we could do other things other than just texting". We both said we didn't want to stop exploring this connection. He knows I want to stay in the city, and he says he's trying to as well, but he wouldn't want to get anything serious right now and that he wants to stay in contact with me if he ends leaving. I agreed to some time of temporary uncertainty thinking that maybe he would start initiating something, especially cause we're next door neighbors.
But, he never initiated making plans after the talk. I found myself feeling like most of the momentum was being maintained through texting rather than actually spending time together. Then even the texting started becoming slower and more inconsistent.
Eventually, I started to get anxious, cause our connection mainly existed through texting. I realized I couldn't keep living in that uncertainty, because it was genuinely physically affecting me, I was losing sleep and appetite over this.
I sent him a message saying that I cared about him, but I couldn't continue texting and staying in emotional limbo anymore. I told him I thought we were in different headspaces, that I needed to take a step back, and that because we're neighbors I didn't want to cut him out of my life completely. I also said that once he got through this busy period, if he reached a point where he knew what he wanted, I'd be open to have a proper conversation in person. He replied and said that he warned me the next two weeks will be busy, so I said that he should've communicated his plan and boundaries clearly instead of leaving me guessing, and I suggested we talk again in 2 weeks and that we both need some space. He acknowledged the message but didn't reply with words.
It's been 3 days since we last talked. Since then I've been genuinely devastated thinking I ruined everything, and especially because he became part of my routine for the last 2 months.
Part of me thinks I finally respected my own needs by stepping back, because I couldn't keep wondering where I stood.
Another part of me feels guilty because he really was under a lot of pressure, and I wonder if I should have waited until things settled down, but until when?
Did I walk away too soon, or was I right to step back when he kept saying he didn't know what he wanted while putting in less and less effort?
TL;DR: I developed feelings for my neighbor over a couple months. He kept saying he didn't know what he wanted, stopped following through on plans, and our connection gradually became mostly texting. I eventually stepped back and said I'd be open to talking in person once he was through his busy period if he gained clarity. I'm wondering if I walked away too soon or if this was the right time to protect myself.
Posted Jul 23, 2026, 5:12 AM UTC