Every part of my body is disgusting

I’ve been on T for 4.5 years and it’s done jack shit. The only reason I pass is because I was born with a low voice and I have a mean face and don’t smile. I have to hide every part of my body and I can’t stand looking at it anymore, it disgusts me so much. I look like a jigsaw puzzle made from different parts, none of it fits together and if I take my clothes off I just look like a freak.

My hips and waist are the worst part, my hips are large even for cis women and they stand out so horrifically. I had to start buying pants 2 sizes larger to fit my hips and stop the disgusting muffin top I get. I feel disgusted when I look at myself, I won’t let people take pictures with me anymore so I don’t have to think about people looking at me.

My hands and feet are small, I hate holding hands with my girlfriend because hers is so much larger than mine. I hate that she could fit one hand around my entire wrist. I hate how small I look next to anyone I know.

I have having a vagina and uterus. I hate knowing there’s an organ in me that’s only purpose is to make me suffer and remind me that I will never have a body worth loving. I hate knowing there’s a hole between my legs and I’ll never have a penis. I hate knowing that from the moment I was born I was cursed to live like this.

The only reason I can even tolerate my body is because it is useful for working. That is the only thing it is good for and ever will be. I am subhuman and always will be.