help me...

can someone please help me to move on cus im struggling so much right now. We broke up nov last year after 3 yrs together but only started no contact may of this year. I woke up one day to being blocked on everything except for linkedin for some reason where he views my profile. He was my first everything. He broke up with me it was not a blind sided one tho as we had been having some issues for a while (he has bpd). I just feel so guilty for the way i treated you. I was toxic and so easily frustrated while you were struggling so bad with your mental health. He said he wasnt gonna get in a relationship for a while but he already has a new gf which is probably part of the reason why i was blocked. He probably never thinks about me anymore but i think about you every day it consumes my whole day.

Tbh its getting worse as time goes on. I tried to date other people but no one compares to you its horrible out there I even got sexually assaulted by someone I just hope if one good thing can come is for you to be happy. You just cant escape from my mind every song i listen to, every place i go to even in my dreams most night its just cruel if you never want to talk to me again why am i being punished like this. I woke up this morning and in my dream we were just goofing around and i kept tryna make you laugh to see your smile and then i woke up and just cried for hours. I just miss you so so much i dont think i can handle this anymore. No matter how many distractions i try to have it always comes back to me missing you. I keep comparing myself to your new gf and think of all the things she might do that i didnt and i wish i could just restart. I have so much self control right now to not send you a long email but i know the dumpee should never reach out to the dumper.