Dear Bunny,

Part of me hopes this lands on your feed but Reddit is such a massive sea that I know you’ll never see this. Maybe it’s for the best. I’ve been suppressing a lot of my feelings about what happened between us and how badly it’s affected me. I’ve been dealing with some pretty severe cognitive dissonance from our relationship. The kind and loving man you portrayed yourself as vs the cruel and lustful man you actually ended up being. It’s honestly really fucking embarrassing. I spent so long wondering why I wasn’t enough for you that I eventually started believing I never could be. Deep down, though, I think I knew who you were. I just kept excusing it because I wanted so badly for you to love me the way I loved you.

Almost two and a half years, Bunny. I feel like you stole two years from me and I hate you for it. But I also miss you so much. I miss the warmth I felt with you when we’d fall asleep on the couch watching anime as you held me tightly, I miss the smile you’d give me when you knew I was having a bad day, I miss the way your eyes sparkled when you were truly excited about something.

It’s been a month and a week since I found proof of you physically cheating on me. I keep replaying all the lies you told me to cover it, looking at the selfies we took during the months you were on Tinder behind my back and wondering why I kept believing you when you kept giving me reasons not to. I still think about the messages I found of you trying to meet women on Fetlife while I was out of state in April…. the 19 year old onlyfans “model” I found on Christmas Eve and countless other women you chose over me. I feel like a damaged, worn-out child’s toy that was left in the dirt at the park because the child got bored, and like my self-confidence has been stripped away. I don’t feel good or happy, fuck I don’t even like who I’ve become. The hardest part is that I feel like I can’t even trust my own judgment anymore because of you. I tore myself apart trying to become the woman you wanted.

It sucks a lot to still be wishing that things were could’ve been different between us because I know it could never happen. I hate that I miss you. I don’t want to feel this way anymore. Everything that’s happened between us got me pretty fucked up, and I haven’t been processing it well. I feel so naïve and disgusting knowing how easy it was for you to manipulate me into believing that this relationship was something you actually wanted. Spiritually, sexually, physically, emotionally…you used me. I tried so hard to keep you. I crossed so many of my own boundaries so you’d stay. I know there were times I messed but I never EVER did anything this soul crushing to you while we were together. I didn’t fucking deserve this and you know I didn’t.

All of the screaming matches, the jealousy, the accusations you aimed at me like a loaded gun…and I still drove you around for two weeks after you crashed your car. I helped you pack every time you went out of state. I deep cleaned your apartment because I wanted you to come home to peace. You still have the audacity to caress my hands at work when I hand you products, but it’s not like Ive tried to stop you…because I miss the way you held me. It was the only thing I had left before I asked for my stuff back today.

I let so much slide, I let you hurt me over and over and over. That’s why I slept with the guy you were always worried about after we broke up. I knew it would hurt you, and part of me hoped you’d finally feel even a fraction of what I’d been carrying.** **I’m so disappointed in myself for doing the things I did to keep you with me and for staying as long as I did. My experience with you has profoundly changed who I am and not in a good way, I don’t think I’ll ever be the same woman I was before I met you. I’m only 26 but I feel so bitter and angry, I’ve lost myself. How could you do this to me? How could I let you do this to me?