how to deal with being cheated on/breakup

Writing this post the night that I ended my almost 5 year relationship for good. I 25F was dating 25M for almost 5 years this december. There has been a lot coming up to this but i’ll just get to the big stuff and why i’m so hurt right now. On halloween of last year (2025) I found out that my bf had cheated on me and slept with some girl he brought home from the bar in june of 2025. I was heartbroken but so attached to him and we took a break then I gave him another chance, I so badly just wanted him to not be a piece of shit and just work it out so we could be together. I had always told myself I would leave if someone had cheated and obviously this did really bother me, I just wanted him to finally stop all the bullshit and fully pour himself into our relationship for once. And the thing is, he told me he would. He sent letters and would seem really apologetic and we got back together a bit after, it wasn’t great there was up and downs and he was still lying about things, or would be really mean and call me a bitch and a cunt when we got into fights. So i was not super happy leading up to this point but i just kept thinking if i keep giving him chances maybe he will finally pull it together and we can be happy together, that’s all i wanted.

But as of last thursday I was sent a dating account he had made on facebook. I was furious and cried and cried because I had given him another chance after cheating that I really thought he wouldn’t cross me again. I left him that day, and we talked about still wanting eachother in our lives at some point (which with us would mean within the next few months) and he knows that I would not get back with him if he slept with anyone or did anything with anyone, i even mentioned this and he told me he did not even want too.

Then randomly today I get a weird feeling to try and find his reddit account which I hadn’t found before, I went through a few things and found it. Found him on hookup threads replying to a pic of some 40 year olds nude asking men to fuck saying that he would love too, and another one of some random girls boobs telling her to DM him. Then i found old posts from months ago of him doing the same thing with other girls, basically replying saying he would fuck them. I was livid when I saw all of this and went to his house to confront him. I woke him up out of his sleep to confront him about it and once he moved the sheet I saw someone else’s thong. He kept denying that he fucked someone but all the signs point to he did. He already had another woman in his bed where I slept not even a week after we had stopped talking, and he told me he wouldn’t sleep with anyone else.

Needless to say I am heartbroken and i’m furious. I don’t understand how people can do this to other people. I had always wanted me and him to work out and i’ve had so much love for him, i was always genuine and understanding and stayed way past when i should’ve. I was always there for him, and most of the time he was an asshole but I wanted our love to work so bad because I knew that if he put in the effort that I did, and could be kind and understanding when i needed him to be, we could’ve worked. I am absolutely crushed. I knew that this might happened eventually but i wasn’t expecting all of the reddit comments and then finding someone else’s underwear in his bed REALLY triggered me. I can’t get over the fact that some other girl had kissed him, touched him, probably slept with him, not even a week later. I literally feel like i’m going insane. I would never do that to him in a million years.

I’m looking for any advice at all, any kind words, just anything really. I had started to feel better after not talking for a few days, and also had the hope we would maybe get back together and now this really threw me for a loop. I feel so disgusted and just so depressed at the lack of respect he has had for me. I don’t know how to get over this.