My girlfriend of 8 years cheated on me with her married senior. I don't know how to survive this.

I (28M) met my girlfriend (28F) during our first year of MBBS. We started dating in 2018, and for almost seven years we had what I believed was a beautiful relationship.

She was my best friend, my support system, and honestly the person I admired the most. We literally grew up together. She had a difficult childhood and struggled with anxiety, for which she took psychotherapy and psychiatric treatment during college. I was always there for her through everything. I loved her unconditionally and invested my whole heart into this relationship. I truly believed what we had was sacred.

After MBBS, we entered a long-distance relationship because of our postgraduate residencies. She joined a residency in Pune, while I got mine in Rajasthan.

The first few months were difficult for both of us. Then, around three months into residency, she told me that after drinking she had kissed another guy.

My world collapsed.

I had trusted her more than anyone. I couldn't even process what had happened. I didn't speak to her for two weeks. But I loved her so much that I eventually forgave her, even though I could never forget it.

Things somehow continued.

About nine months later, I visited her campus. That's when I realized that the residents, both boys and girls, were frequently sharing rooms and she was drinking with her colleagues, including male colleagues, every second or third day. She had never really told me about this, and finding out in person made me lose even more trust.

After returning home, I naturally started contacting her more often because I felt insecure after what had already happened. Instead of reassuring me, she slowly started pulling away.

I tried harder.

I visited her multiple times. I wrote long messages explaining how lonely and anxious I felt. I called her several times a day just hoping we could talk for a few minutes. She rarely replied and always said she was too busy because residency was hectic.

Maybe she really was busy. But I was falling apart.

I started drinking alone four or five nights a week. I began smoking 7 to 10 cigarettes a day. My anxiety became unbearable.

I even told her that I wanted to marry her and that I had spoken to my family about our future together. Nothing changed.

Whenever I visited, she seemed emotionally distant. She never let me see her phone. Even during intimacy, she seemed completely uninterested.

I kept asking myself what had changed.

I even had recurring dreams that she was involved with one of her seniors. I told her about these fears, but she always denied everything and asked me not to question her character. Eventually, I convinced myself that maybe I was just overthinking because of my anxiety.

Last week, I visited her again.

She told me she no longer had feelings for me and wanted to break up.

I completely broke down. I cried so much that she finally said we could try again and work on the relationship.

I went home to Mumbai, but before returning to Rajasthan I decided to stop in Pune once more just to spend two hours with her. I even cancelled my flight so I could stay the night.

While I was there, I checked her phone.

I knew she often asked ChatGPT for relationship advice, so I searched for "What is my relationship status?"

That's when I discovered the truth.

She had been in both an emotional and physical relationship with her married senior.

Everything inside me shattered.

The woman I trusted more than anyone, the person I wanted to marry, the person I thought would never hurt me, had been living a completely different reality while I was desperately trying to save our relationship.

I can't describe the pain.

I'm having panic attacks. I can barely breathe. I can't eat or sleep properly. My mind keeps replaying everything, wondering how someone I loved this deeply could do this.

I had already spoken to my family about marrying her.

Now I feel like my entire identity has collapsed.

I'm not looking for people to insult her. I genuinely want to know:

How do you survive something like this?

Has anyone here rebuilt their life after discovering that the person they trusted most had been living a lie?

Right now, it honestly feels impossible.