Temporary distance, want to rekindle

So I need some advice. I was recently in a relationship with someone for about eight months, we are both military. Things were amazing and at the time that we met, I knew I would be relocating to the UK early that next year. After talking about how far we might be from each other when he gets his new orders he decided to try and put in for orders to the UK as well and he was selected. However, I report in late May and he reports in November; so we would have distance for about six months. When it was time for my PCS, He decided to go on holiday leave and get on the same flight as me off the island; we took about a month together of travel and it was great! We were on a seven day cruise, we traveled to a few cities and met parents. The trip was so well that the day he left he ended his trip an hour down the road and turned around to spend one more day with me to help calm my nerves. My first month after getting to the UK was a little rough, but it was alright. I didn’t realize how long it had been since I felt the pressure, anxiety and sadness of a big relocation and I felt very scared of my ability to handle that with him because I felt like I was putting too much pressure on him to be there and he didn’t really know how to show up for me because of the distance. I would often go back-and-forth in my head because I was so used to dealing with it by myself. I didn’t know how to deal with it and also not push him away. In the end I would recognize when I was getting too anxious and spiraling, and I would catch myself because of the end of the day I knew things couldn’t be perfect because of the distance and we would not always be happy because we went from seeing each other every day to not seeing each other, and it was going to be Work.

We had a few disagreements, but things peaked for us about a month and a half into the relocation. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was noticing every little thing that had changed in the way we used to communicate and I would immediately get scared and pull at the relationship. For example, one thing we did earlier in the relationship was play Roblox together because I went on holiday for almost a month and that’s what we did every day. As I got here, I realize that we weren’t playing as much anymore. And I will bring it up to him, and he would suggest we play sometimes, but definitely not as much as we were playing when I was on leave. And at first, I didn’t take it personally, because he got back to the island and got back into his routine so I felt as though he just got back comfortable doing what he used to do and didn’t realize he was leaving me out a little. But ultimately, Roblox was his thing and I only took an interest in it for him so maybe I needed a hobby of my own. Our disagreements weren’t superheated, more just sad because I would always get emotional and cry because in my head I felt like everything was going wrong. At times, he definitely had trouble understanding how I felt and would tell me that he didn’t know what to say to me when I would get sad about being here by myself and most of the time he would give me very generic answers. And he told me this was due to how he was raised, and he was working on it. In the weeks to follow, I definitely saw a change in him, he was more attentive and checking in more through text, but I still felt like our FaceTime conversations were kind of redundant. He would play the game for hours and we would have small talk but we rarely would have super deep and long conversations. But at the time I was going through so much over here in the UK, I will try not to dissect our relationship too much because I realized I needed to put more energy into finding a state of comfort in my new country. After the two weeks of things going better, we barely talked for one whole day and the time zone was six hours off so by the time I was on lunch, she was getting home from work so I guess instead of him calling me when he got off he went straight to sleep. and when I brought it up to him, I expected him to just apologize for it or tell me, he understands why I was upset that we didn’t talk. But instead, he got kind of defensive and I instantly started crying. A lot of the things I was feeling wasn’t necessarily due to our relationship because I kept forgetting things wouldn’t feel as great as they did because we were around each other. He just kept telling me that it wasn’t my fault that I was upset and he was sorry that we couldn’t understand each other in that moment. He said that he got off late and went straight to sleep, but I also had a shipment of furniture that day so I never called him when I got home and noticed he hadn’t reached out. I was busy myself and that’s another situation where I feel like I just got too emotional over something kind of small.

He told me that he was starting to feel better since our last large argument weeks prior, but he was unhappy in that moment. I don’t know what made me ask this, but I asked him if he still wanted to be in a relationship and he thought about it for a few minutes and he told me he didn’t know and he needed to sleep on it. waited for a day and then the next conversation, he told me that he didn’t think he could continue the relationship. I told him that I understood and that I was devastated and he got very emotional as well. I left at least a suitcase full of things with him on the island because I had too much stuff to take with me and he told me he will hold onto it and bring it to me when he got to the UK. Since the breakup, I had a lot of time to reflect and realize just how unhappy I have been with my life due to the relocation, and even though our relationship did have communication issues that arose in the three months I was away, a lot of the strain came from where I was mentally. A lot of the times where he was putting in his effort & doing his best I couldn’t really see it because I was just too unhappy here; in reality, I was sad because he went back to friends and routine, and I got placed here with the absolute opposite. Anyways, a couple days after the breakup we had a talk, and I told him that I truly miss him, but the space had made me feel better and I was looking forward to reconnecting with myself a bit more. However, I did conclude the message with my heart was still open to us Trying again later down the line. He told me that he thinks about me and misses me every day, and the space has made him realize that he has things he needs to focus on with himself as well and he knows they’re about to start their crazy work schedule again. He wants to make sure that he gets himself right first and we ended the conversation there.

Some days I feel OK with the idea of just moving on and some days I just feel extremely emotional and regretful of some of the things that I said during their relationship or the pressures that I put on him. I also know that he was going through some changes and he was kind of stressed. He had some pay issues with the finance office and they were giving him a really hard time about it. and he also had gained a lot of weight from the trip we took and I could tell it really bothered him a lot. And I do think one of the last disagreements that we had was right before he was supposed to go to the gym & he told me he didn’t want to go anymore and I felt so horrible for even bringing it up around his gym time. It’s just so many things I wish I could go back and do differently and don’t want to say we’re incompatible or that the relationship was just a waste, I just got so wrapped up in my relationship saving me from my loneliness over here that I forgot how to be myself. I still miss him very much and hope that we can rekindle in the near future because I was extremely avoidant before I dated him but it’s like as soon as I said, yes, to being his girlfriend, I jumped in head first; which I think is why I ended up becoming very anxious when I got here. And when he gets here, I’m afraid that when he gets off the train and we see each other..the spark will be gone. Right now I want to really focus on embracing my new life out here in the UK, I have started therapy to get to the root of where my confidence went. Because ultimately, I realize the woman I was when he met me, was not the woman I was when we broke up. I just wonder if our relationship ran it’s course, or if it’s just a rough patch. I’m excited to see the version of myself that I’m going to be over these next couple of months, but I still want to be with him and give it a try. And I feel like the part of me that feels that way it’s coming from a healthy space :(