How can i hate you now?

My biggest fear of letting someone get back to me and getting hurt again has come true. I was broken inside and vulnerable when I met you.

You managed to open me piece by piece. I felt alive again. Suddenly I was no longer numb. Suddenly I started to build you a place in my heart. Every morning a good morning message became my everyday life.

Without realizing it, I got used to it. I didn’t see all the other warning signs because I saw the great man behind the facade.

Because you knew I didn’t know healthy love. So the little things became meaningful to me.

I gave myself completely to you. But then you moved away piece by piece. You knew my past. You knew my fears and struggles. And I knew your story. So I thought, maybe two broken souls just need a little more time and no definition. You just need to learn trust and security again.

I created a story in my head that wasn’t true.

I was lying in the arms of a man for the first time and felt calm. I could never tell you because we never talked about feelings. You always kept me at a distance. I waited like a child to see you again and to slide my hands through your hair. I was lying on a man for the first time and felt my body. It was very intense and passionate. I secretly didn’t sleep to feel you longer. Because I didn’t know when I could see you again.

I couldn’t tell you all this because I knew you didn’t feel the same way. I didn’t want to hear the answer. I knew you were meeting other women but I couldn’t ask you the question.

Now I saw it with my eyes and left without a word. I couldn’t say goodbye.

How can I hate you now...