zero close friends. mental health deteriorating

I have no interest in most other things and currently my (maybe special) interest is computing related and HEMA (a kind of sword martial arts).

computing related hobbies are mostly solo and most communication happen online via chats and comments. which works, but not so deep.

I was banned from the only local HEMA group and had drama because they don't like me (including clumsy) and I pointed out their exclusion as talk over me and roasting over small things. they insulted me.

now one year later I moved to another city and get another chance of HEMA but for safety I am now in shut up mode. and not joining their online chat as well.

looks like that everyone have some friends while I am being a slient victim of non inclusion, either passive non invitation or active malice. I need HEMA, but HEMA (itself did nothing wrong, it is my mindset and past incident) is what giving me mental health problem right now. I am just not getting the dialogue traction someone naturally have.

and I have no friend in other scenarios as well. everyone is talking about non-entitiements and boundaries but no one talk how to be inclusive nor I can find a place of so.

nor there are consultants specialized in niche hobby drama and internet hostility