My life is weird

Hey there. My name's Zi, 21M, pan.

This is my life.

I moved out at 17 because of family abuse. My dad helped me leave out of guilt for how I was raised. I'd attempted to take my own life multiple times, so he paid my rent and gave me an allowance.

The problem was, I didn't know how to do anything. I couldn't manage money, I couldn't cook, and I had no friends to ask for help. YouTube and TikTok basically taught me how to survive.

Over the next four years I met a lot of people through Tinder, Bumble, Scruff, Reddit, and other platforms. Some became friends, some became partners, and all of those experiences taught me something.

Unfortunately, not all of them were good.

I was sexually harassed, groomed, graped, drugged, robbed, scammed, and left financially ruined more than once. Even though my dad supported me, he gradually reduced my allowance, so I realized I needed to become independent. I applied for job after job, even paid someone to make my CV, and kept trying. I even asked my dad if he could help me find work, but he refused.

Four years later, the only opportunity he gave me was training as a barista.

Somewhere along the way I developed an incredibly strong bond with animals—cats, birds, rabbits, ducks, and dogs. Eventually I got a husky.

She isn't "just a dog" to me. She's my family. She's been there through everything, and honestly she's one of the biggest reasons I keep going. I've lost pets before, but I've never been this attached to one. I genuinely don't know how I'd cope without her.

Then my dad found out about my dog and the government support I was receiving while trying to become independent. He demanded I get rid of her. I refused.

So he cut me off completely.

Right now I have a job that pays 2,000 SAR a month. My rent—14,000 SAR—is due in two weeks. I no longer have a car because my dad stopped paying for the rental. On top of that, someone hit the rental car and drove off. There were no cameras, so I got stuck with a 1,200 SAR bill. If I don't pay by the end of the month, they said they'll take legal action.

My mom isn't someone I can turn to either.

She was the source of most of the abuse I experienced growing up. She beat me badly enough that my scalp split open multiple times and I suffered broken bones. I was terrified of going home. Even today, walking near my childhood home gives me that same overwhelming feeling of fear.

I called the police once because I genuinely feared for my life. They closed the call on me. Every time I needed help, I felt like I was ignored. At one point I even ended up with a ridiculous 3,000 SAR fine from the police that made me feel completely defeated.

I've forgiven my mom, but not because she changed. She didn't.

I forgave her because I realized she's mentally ill and, where we live, she's unlikely to ever get the help she needs.

So... yeah.

That's my story.