Goodbye maybe

I don't know if I am going to do it but I just wanna explain what I am doing so people see why. I just don't know how to go on I feel so disgusted with myself and bad . I hardly get out of bed now. I feel like everyone would be fine or better off without me. My family don't need me. I have no hope in life I will never get a boyfriend or have any future. I feel so disgusted with myself I was exposed to sexual material at a young age. I j*rk off every day sometimes multiple times a day. I have so many sexual thoughts about my friends. And some stuff I did in my younger years make me disgusted thinking about. I feel disgusting. I feel bad for my brother cause he will be the one to find me but I don't know what to do. Maybe I will go on a walk so then he wont find me. I just wanna explain why I am doing it if I do and succeed so people don't think I am selfish.