I’ve been sexually harassed by the same gender

I'm a 26 year old straight male, and my life has been significantly shaped by a series of traumatic incidents, starting from a very young age. I'm reaching out because I'm struggling deeply with the long-term effects and feeling incredibly alone in this.

When I was around 5 or 6, my family and I frequently visited a family friend's house. Their son, who was three years older than me, would often invite me to play video games in his room. After we finished playing, he would consistently force me to remove my pants and sexually assault me. This wasn't a one-time occurrence; it was an ongoing pattern that eventually just stopped. On another occasion, he locked me in a room and forced me to watch pornography, threatening to physically harm me if I cried for help or told anyone.

I eventually confided with my parents about what was happening, but my concerns were dismissed. As an innocent and vulnerable child, it was incredibly painful and damaging to be unheard and unprotected by the very people who should have safeguarded me. This lack of intervention profoundly impacted me, leading to significant trust issues, difficulty with social interactions, and a general lack of social skills that I still struggle with today.

Fast forward to 2023, I found myself at the wedding of the very person who had abused me. Witnessing him celebrating his marriage to an attractive woman filled me with an overwhelming sense of hatred and despair for humanity. It felt like a stark, painful reminder of life's profound unfairness. I often feel like I don't want to live anymore.

My past relationships haven't lasted, which I believe is connected to these deep-seated issues. Adding to this complexity, I've also had ongoing issues with my parents, particularly my mother. There have been instances where she has touched my private areas and made inappropriate jokes about smelling my butt. While she may see it as humor, it's deeply uncomfortable and inappropriate, and it adds to my feelings of being violated and misunderstood.

I've tried to open up to my family about these experiences and how they've affected me, but it feels like no one truly understands or is willing to offer the support I desperately need. I'm at a loss for what to do and how to move forward.