Crippling addiction no coincidence

Guys you wont believe what just happened.

To make things clear, I am very young, lost in life and done with life. I've had lots of therapy and treatment for all kinds of disorders, anhedonie fucked me up so badly and still after all of those years nothing helped, like not even a single bit. I didnt take any drugs for 15 years, when I turned 15, I tried drugs for the first time out of despair. With that I dont mean hard drugs, I mean drugs like weed and alcohol, wasnt ever a big deal. It did help but I knew nothing will change.

Time went on and I tried more drugs but as time went by, the drugs werent enough. I thought about taking my life again just like in the past but I didnt have the balls to do it. As I turned older, things changed. A few weeks ago I realized that nothing in this life of misery and agony will change, no matter how clean I am. I decided before I take my life, I will try opioids. I dindt have anything to live for and things were so bad I tried morphine. I did something wrong but most of the time there werent any noticable effects so I graduated to oxycodone. Keep in mind, this only happened in the matter of a few weeks. Boom, Oxycodone, the hug I always looked for. I knew it years ago, this would be the feeling I always looked for. I noticed how fast the tolerance kept rising and to this day I dont plan to stop, because things wont get better, I know it. I tried everything in my power. Yesterday, I was chatting with a friend and told him I would graduate to heroin really soon because oxycodone is too fast in accumulating a tolerance.

Here comes the turning point. Today, my brother went to school like usual but somehow decided to go home earlier. On the way to the train station an old lady came across his way and gave him a christian flyer about Billy Graham with a hidden letter inside and didn't say anything to him. What it said just gives me the chills to the bottom of my soul.

The text:

Heroin addict found dead! Police: He died of an overdose

A 17-year-old boy was found dead last night on the grounds of New York Central Station. He was carrying a letter addressed to his parents. With their permission, we are printing the text of this letter here: “Dear Mom, Dear Dad!

I’m going to quit tonight because I’ve realized I can’t get off heroin anymore. The heroin has completely destroyed me. For months now, I’ve been living on a few bags of popcorn that I stole. All my teeth have rotted without me even noticing because the heroin numbed all the pain. I can’t show my arms to anyone anymore, they’re so covered in puncture marks. When I got up at noon, I always had to swallow pills first so I could make it until late afternoon before I could find more drugs. It was like that day after day.” I stole, I beat up old women, I did anything to get money for dope. I'm a nobody. I'm the dirt of the lowest dirt. Please tell my brother Joey to stay away from that stuff, because he can see where it leads by looking at me. I'm sorry for you all, but I can't help it. I beg your forgiveness. Tom."

um

(Report from the NEW YORK TIMES, March 13, 1968)