There is a girl I love very much. She means everything to me—my life, my whole world.

We met during the third year of our diploma. We got to know each other because of a competition. We both participated in the same event, and we won. Within just eight days, we won five prizes together.

During that time, our thoughts and personalities started matching so well. I realized, "Wow, there are actually such mature girls in this world." I had never expected to meet someone like her.

We became best friends. We talked every day, had long late-night conversations, and there were never any bad intentions from either of us.

At that time, I had a very short temper. I used to get angry very quickly. Once, she was talking to some people I didn't think were good for her. I didn't like it, so I stopped talking to her. She became very upset and tried hard to convince me to talk again. That made me realize that no one had ever valued me that much before.

Our friendship became stronger. We argued a lot, but she always explained everything to me calmly. Honestly, almost every fight happened because of me, and I accept that I was usually the one who was wrong.

As time passed, we started feeling that maybe we could become husband and wife in the future because our thinking matched so well. Our relationship was different from others. We cared deeply for each other, never felt jealous, and even planned to take admission to the same college. She even changed her plans because of me, which meant a lot to me. At that moment, I decided that I would never leave her alone in any situation.

Back then, nothing romantic had officially started between us. We were just friends. We still argued sometimes, but we remained close. From friends, we became close friends, then best friends, and eventually promised to stay "best friends forever."

One day, we had another argument. It was my mistake again, but she found it hard to trust me. I kept trying to convince her. That day I finally realized something—I loved Arya. But she never liked discussions about relationships. So I would often tell her, "You are nothing like that to me. If it makes you comfortable, you can even call me your brother." I only said that to make her feel safe.

But that day she told me that she had actually thought about our future together. Hearing that made me incredibly happy because it felt like the feelings I had were finally returned.

After that, I became too possessive. I always wanted to protect her. The area where she lived and traveled to college wasn't very safe, so I constantly told her not to go out unnecessarily. I would worry whenever someone got too close to her. I overthought everything—whether she had reached home safely, whether she was okay, and many other small things.

Then came her birthday. I had spent a lot of time creating a special website for her because I'm a developer. I hosted it with all our memories and planned everything carefully to surprise her.

But unfortunately, we were fighting at that time. I was sad the whole day. At midnight, I called her to wish her, but she behaved as if nothing had happened. That hurt me deeply. I don't know why, but I said many things in anger. I started feeling that maybe she was happier without me. From that point, everything became worse.

Soon our exams started, so we had to focus on studying. During that time, Arya sent me many messages, but I blocked her everywhere because I couldn't bear the pain. That was my biggest mistake. At that moment, I couldn't think clearly.

Three months passed. Even now, I sometimes feel like texting her. Recently, I finally apologized. I told her everything, explained every reason behind my behavior, and admitted my mistakes. She already knew my nature, but everyone has a limit, and I think I crossed hers.

Since then, I haven't been able to focus on anything because I was used to doing everything with her. We had so many dreams together. We wanted to see each other succeed, build careers, start a startup together, get jobs, and achieve everything side by side.

Today, she has no interest in talking to me anymore. I even told her that I sometimes feel like dying because of how much this hurts. Even after knowing that, she didn't respond.

I know she is completely tired of me. I made too many mistakes. I regret everything—especially becoming so possessive and overthinking every situation.

Today, I don't feel like doing anything. All I can think about is her. My eyes fill with tears all the time—whether I'm in college, with my friends, or anywhere else.

She understood me more than anyone ever has. She stood by me through so much. But because of my own mistakes, she isn't with me anymore.

Sometimes I feel like saying to her, "Please... even if you don't want to love me, even if you only see me as a brother, that's okay. If being in a relationship with me would hurt you, I accept that. But please, stay in my life. Please talk to me. Let me care about you. Just don't leave forever."

I can't focus on anything anymore. Nothing feels meaningful.

Sometimes I wish I could just die a natural death. I don't want to die by suicide. I don't have the courage to do that, and I don't want my story to become one that encourages anyone else to take that path.

I'm completely exhausted. I feel broken.

The best person 💓