managing my depression as a depressed partner of a depressed partner

i'm 31F, my partner is 28F. i posted a while ago that i've been struggling with dealing with how i handle my own depression and sadness because she had shut down and decided to generally isolate, after a major life stressor (she's finishing her undergrad still, didn't finish the previous semester and didn't graduate when she was expected to, and now she's dealing with a lot of guilt and anxiety on top of how her parents treat her). at the worst of that period, she stopped saying she loved me, would only message once a day with one or two sentences, and just... not be present.

i had to manage (as was my responsibility) my anxieties and fears about being abandoned, because the entire situation triggered it. this difficult period saw me just trying not to kill myself, every single day. i was severely suicidal. managed to get through it when she messaged me a week later and told me she wanted to meet up with me. i was anxious then because i thought she would be breaking up, but she didn't. we reconnected (we didn't see each other for over a month, she didn't want to see people or talk to people - it wasn't exclusive to me - and that made it harder), and we've been messaging consistently enough since then and have met up a few times, though i know she's still not okay and she's still dealing with a lot of anxiety. she has seen a psychologist already, and is doing therapy. the doctor has prescribed antidepressants but hasn't yet diagnosed her with any specific disorder. she hasn't had a follow-up yet, is struggling to schedule one because she doesn't want her parents to know and has to schedule around them visiting her. i guess that's a lot of not-so-important details but i suppose i could type them down anyway.

the worst is over, and she hasn't withdrawn in the same way, though has been struggling with a lot still. i've been carrying, meanwhile, a lot of the fears i've had during that difficult period of over a month when she was less responsive, especially that one week when she just stopped any affection and warmth and expression of love. i want to emphasize that i understand, and i understood why she did that - it wasn't to spite me - but it hurt all the same. during that time i couldn't even ask her to do a 5-minute or 10-minute call, because she would say she didn't have energy. we couldn't see each other because she just didn't want to go out, and i couldn't/wasn't allowed to visit her (she's living with siblings so she's not alone). it was a lot of self-monitoring, in other words, and i still carry that right now. i have a hard time asking her to meet up with me because i'm already anticipating a "no" and trying to figure out a way to justify why i should be allowed to see her. same with calls - like i have to have a legitimate reason to call. these are not reflections of her as a person. these are manifestations of what i felt over the period we were struggling.

now every day we do talk, and i share stuff about my day but she almost never acknowledges anything i share. she said before she liked hearing/reading (in chat) about my day, but this was long before everything happened. now i just feel like i'm talking to a wall, sharing things and just... getting nothing in return. she updates me, but doesn't really acknowledge whatever i send or talk about. i feel unheard, sad, and lonely. i know this will pass but it hurts a whole fucking lot, like i'm alone in the relationship. i've asked her if the messages are a bother or if they're too much, and she didn't acknowledge that either. i feel like i should just mirror her energy, but i'm afraid that if i do, the relationship will eventually die. all my emotions tell me this: i fear that i'm not enough, that she doesn't want me to stay in her life, that she would be better off without me, that she's just waiting for me to get tired enough to walk away on my own, and in the meantime she's doing this to wear me down. i know her, i know she wouldn't do this, but i also keep thinking about how circumstances can change how people act.

i don't know. i'm confused, i feel tired, i feel lonely, and i just am trying to stay alive. i'm not looking for advice, or what, i just really want to vent. but i would appreciate words of encouragement if there are any. or whatever anyone wants to say, i ask only that you be gentle. i feel exhausted because i feel alone, and we can't have a conversation yet because she doesn't have energy for that. i feel alone.