constantly losing friends?

i'm 26 and i've lost almost all of my close friends (most of them were friendships of 8+ years) over the past 2-3 years. i'm starting to wonder if this is an audhd thing or if i'm actually just a bad person and don't realize it.

with guy friends, there's always the same pattern. we're just friends and then eventually they confess they like me. i genuinely don't understand how someone goes from seeing someone as a friend to wanting to date them. i've never been able to like someone unless i liked them from the beginning. once i see you as a friend, that's just... what you are. so i turn them down and then the friendship ends.

that's basically how i've lost almost every male friend i've had.

with girls, i've had the same thing happen since i was in school. in almost every friend group there's one girl that everyone kind of revolves around. i never really acknowledge those social dynamics because i don't even notice them half the time, and somehow that always ends with me becoming the problem. i've experienced this 4 separate times in my life.

the latest one happened yesterday.

i had an argument with one of my friends about a month ago and neither of us reached out. then yesterday she came over because she wanted to "talk." except it wasn't really a conversation. it was hours of her telling me everything i've ever done wrong. she told me i'm rude, that i have a "tone" over text, and apparently multiple people have noticed it and have talked about it. she was literally trying to teach me how to text people. (she kept asking me why i didnt text her after the argument and how she was waiting? if i feel like you hate me why would i text you?)

i was sitting there thinking... what tone??

i hate texting. i keep my replies short because to me texting is just exchanging information. if i actually want to talk to someone i'd rather call them or see them in person. i genuinely don't hear the tone everyone else seems to hear.

is this an audhd thing? because this isn't the first time i've been told i'm "cold" over text when i'm literally just... typing.

the part that really confused me though was that she brought up my birthday from last year. a month before my birthday she told me she really wanted to be there. because of that, i planned a birthday with friends instead of doing what i usually do, which is go on a solo trip. 5 days before my birthday she got married in another country. on the day of my birthday she got back and said she couldn't make it. okay. completely understandable. then she showed up anyway. except instead of celebrating, she immediately made me feel guilty because i hadn't invited her husband. it was a girls' night. i genuinely didn't think someone's husband would be coming. he stayed in the car while she came upstairs, and suddenly i felt like i had to leave my own birthday party to go convince him to come inside so she'd stay. so i did. he said he was upset, refused to come in, and they left. yesterday she told me i never appreciated "the thought that counts."

but all i remember is feeling anxious and guilty on my own birthday because somehow i was expected to know i should've invited him when nobody had ever told me that.

i don't know if that's me missing social rules or what.

then, literally 2 days ago, another friend (a guy i dated for 2 months years ago but stayed friends with) called me "cold" because i don't text him much.

the weird part is... we talk on the phone/facetime for like 2 hours almost every day because of 12h timezone difference and he;s the only friend i have left. we're just body doubling most of the time or talking about our day or watching reels/matches.

i thought that mattered way more than texting. i'd also told him multiple times that i wasn't looking for anything romantic and he said he wasn't either. then out of nowhere he tells me he doesn't like our "dynamic" and wants to build a life and doesn't want me in his life if im not 'warm' and kind.

...what dynamic?? i thought we were just friends.

why do people say they're okay with being friends when they clearly aren't?

i know this sounds like a rant but i'm genuinely asking because i'm really confused.

am i actually a bad friend? do i just not acknowledge what people do for me? am i missing social cues that everyone else seems to understand?

and about 4 months ago, another girlfriend of mine just blocked me everywhere for no reason? we have no friends in common whatsoever. and we were planning to meet a week before she blocked me? but the plans were not working as she was busy one day and i was busy the next. that made no sense to me either.

I feel like disappearing and starting fresh somewhere else I'm so tired and exhausted because i feel like people keep getting upset over expectations that were never communicated to me, and then i'm left wondering if i've been hurting people this whole time without realizing it. and this happening back to back in 2 days caused a meltdown? am i not good at taking constructive criticism? but it just felt like hate and anger and them not getting what they wanted and not criticism.