Looking for help & realizing it isn’t a thing.

Recently I took a leave of absence from work for my mental health and since doing so I’ve upset so many people at work with my absence beings I’m a manger. I took the time to call places after struggling to even pick up the phone, I was told by multiple places that based off insurance it would cost thousands of dollars before I can even speak to someone. I called my insurance to try and get referrals but once again thousands of dollars to seek help. At this point it feels like all I can do is go to a hospital and tell the person behind the desk I don’t feel safe and I feel like dying a route that I didn’t really wanna take in the first place. I’ve always been someone that stands on top of the mountain and screams about mental heath and getting help and saying help is available and now I feel like the opposite. Now all I feel I can do is call work and say I’ll be back because the bills don’t stop coming. Until the day comes where I can’t do it anymore.