The alternative breakup scenario and loss of agency. Advice needed.

So my breakup was blindsided in some ways. I was very truggered. He did something that had a very direct impact on how I felt and I was like ok look if youre going to do that im done. He took it and said even after I mentioned I was very emotional and spoke from protesr/fear/reached my limit that he cant come back drom the kept me reaching and engaged ans then after a few days asked for space. He then basically slowly exited on his own terms. Didnt give me a final closure conversation and blamed it all on my reaction no accountsvility etc. I apologised several times for being frustrated and he just wouldn't say much. OK fine he doesnt want me. I can accept that.

BUT here's what's keeping me looping

I feel like he was being secretive and hidden and quite cagey towards something I asked for clarity on. He didnt give me transparency and left me in uncertainty until I snapped. I wish I could've stayed back in that moment and instead of engaging in conflict slowly withdrew or focussed on me. Maybe had one calm final conversation on if he could meet my needs and started detatching in the relationship allowing him to either step up or I could let go on my terms and on my timeline.

The fact that this alternate reality exists which trigger all my core wounds upsets me because I now i wasnt even spiralling when I was in it. I thought about me and my future and if I wanted him. When he pulled the slow discard deactivated and left me with no closure and just a cold end conversation I spiralled. I also think that lack of calm and clear end has made me latch on whereas before and through the relationship I felt fully in control and in my own mind. Because I listened to family anxiety as well as to how he was being cagey I feel like I didnt act in line with values of mine. I just dont know how to move on I want to go back to mt magnetic calm self but im sitting in this new rejected identity. For months.