What do I do if I made a pact years ago without knowing what I was doing?

When I was freshly out of college, my spiritual journey was in a weird place. I was looking everywhere for things I didn’t understand. Part of that was when I found someone on the internet helping people make a “pact of power”. It all felt very esoteric and cool at the time, but looking back at it now I feel like I was probably taken advantage of and possibly have some kind of lingering spiritual parasite.

I’ll talk a little more about the circumstances, and I ask for no judgement. I was young, dumb, and looking for anything to make me feel like I had some kind of control over my life. This “pact” was intended to be a (I believe) 14 day journey where every day you do something and by the end you would have finished making the pact. The tasks involved a lot of chanting and some meditation and reading words in other languages that I didn’t understand. After the seventh(ish) day though, the guy who was guiding me and a few others through this suddenly dropped off and I never saw anything from him again. I ended up letting this go and assumed that nothing happened because I never finished it, but I genuinely felt like things were happening while I was participating. More than I’d felt previously during any other spiritual practice. Afterwards though, I mostly forgot about it.

Fast forward to now and I’ve stopped participating in things I don’t understand, I take my personal journey and safety a lot more seriously, and I’m also more worried about this experience I had when I was young. I’m afraid that I got sucked into giving up something within me. As if maybe any amount of progress I’d make in the future was syphoned off. Where I am now, I’ve been stuck in my meditation practice for so long. I’ve had so much progress in other areas, but everything seems to be on hold until I can learn to actually allow my head to be clear of thoughts. It seems like no matter how much I let go, relax, focus on my body, watch my thoughts, etc. it feels like I’ve hit a wall that I can’t get past. Maybe these things are unrelated, and maybe I’m worried about things that just require patience, but I’ve been meditating for years and still can’t seem to actually sit in silence.

At the same time, it feels like I’m always being told that I’m so close. I always feel like I’m on the precipice of breakthrough, but that I’m just missing one thing. I also see repeating numbers constantly (mostly 111, 444, 1111 frequently multiple times a day) if that means anything to you. It feels like I’m being told to just wait and that I’m on the right track and exactly where I need to be, but this seems like something I’ve been told for so long. At some point I’ve started to worry that there is an outside force deliberately taking away my progress to give someone else energy. I’m worried that I really am extremely close, but that there is a huge burden that I don’t know how to get rid of. I’m even more worried that it isn’t possible to get rid of it. I would very much appreciate any thoughts or advice on any part of this. Also I’m still very early in my journey, so I appreciate the understanding on the fact that I do not know a lot.