I hurt my friends while secretly hurting over pregnancy loss

TW (pregnancy loss, miscarriage)

Some family friends didn’t attend my son’s bday party and my mom asked them why weeks later. They said because they were hurt that we didn’t come to visit them after having their second baby back in March.

We did check in via text and calls. We live just over an hour apart.

If I were them I’d feel hurt too. Why wouldn’t friends visit and go to help?

And here’s why I didn’t go visit. At their first borns bday party in their home at the end of February, I was pregnancy (first trimester, unannounced) and started bleeding. I panicked and was so scared and sad. I did leave shortly after and a bit abruptly. That bleeding was the start of a miscarriage. I hate that it happened in their house. I was processing my feelings and still am for several months after. I never told them and at the time didn’t want to say anything since my friend was pregnant. I didn’t want to cause stress or anxiety to someone pregnant.

Additionally being around friends’ newborn is triggering for me. I feel jealous and sad. I’m happy for them but am grieving myself. And now my hurt has hurt them and they have no idea why. I did make plans to visit twice but my toddler came down with a fever twice and so we postponed. But I know that I didn’t try hard enough to go visit and it’s because I’m triggered to go back to where I miscarried and to see a newborn baby.

I feel like a jerk of friend. I also needed space. Our friends don’t have family in the area and we are usually there for them.

What is the best way to mend the relationship? How open should I be about the miscarriage and my grief?

If you were the couple that was hurt by friends not visiting, what would you want?