I STOPPED COUNTING CALORIES

after over 2 years of ruining my health, fighting with my family, spending the precious time of my life shaking over every meal I couldn’t calculate, I finally let go. Haven’t been tracking anything for a week now and I’m not planning to come back to it. The thing that really helped me was having breakfast out/asking someone else to make it for me. It was really difficult mentally at first, but something about the first meal of the day not being tracked just…broke the pattern. I eat so much and I don’t give a SHIT. my gyn scared the hell out of me, she told me I will develop osteoporosis if I don’t stop restricting cuz I’ve been missing my period since november 2024. I’ve gone through several stages of quasi before arriving where I am now, gradually increasing intake from very low to maintenance/harm reduction, then to >! 1900, 2100 etc !< eventually stopping at >! 2500 !< because I though it would be enough to restore my hormonal cycle. it wasn’t. also I couldn’t bring myself to eat any fatty foods (oil, butter, avocado, etc), even though they are essential for hormonal recovery. now I eat in accordance with my body’s needs and instincts, probably close to >! 2800-4000 !< a day. And no, I’m not even that skinny anymore ( >! went from bmi 15.5 to ~17.5 !< ), but I know I can always lose weight in a healthy way if I ever feel insecure about my looks again. on the other hand, health is something I need to care about the most at this point. I’ve never had any serious health problems before I developed anorexia and I’m tired of maiming myself. It’s crazy that I might have to take potentially dangerous medication (HRT) just because of my sheer stupidity. I have an actual life to care about, 19 isn’t age for going to the doctor’s office all the time, but that for travelling the world, making friends, learning new things, developing yourself and building a strong foundation for your future. I’m going to study in a TOP 1 ITALIAN UNI starting September, super proud of myself for getting in and I can’t wait to finally LIVE. u guys, every moment of delayed recovery carries huge consequences both physically and mentally, please take good care of yourselves and go all in AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!!! k bye <3