I need advice.

I have this ex — let’s call him Nate.

Nate was my first proper boyfriend. My first love, my first everything. We were young, and we were together about three years ago, but the impact he had on me was huge. At the time, I had a lot going on at home, and he became my safe place. I loved him with everything I had.

I was shy, nervous, and honestly just figuring myself out. Eventually, I found out he had been cheating on me with multiple girls. I left, of course… but I went back. More than once. The whole relationship was messy, and this all happened within about a year.

After our final breakup, he moved on very quickly. He was in a two-year relationship while I was still stuck missing him and wishing things could go back to how they were. Eventually, I met someone else.

My current boyfriend lives in another state. He flew down twice before moving in with me, and we clicked almost instantly. He’s kind, patient, understanding, and he treats me better than I could have ever asked for.

But I still think about Nate.

I know that sounds awful, especially because I have someone who loves me right in front of me. I don’t understand why I can’t let go. One weird thing is that they even look similar — both have red hair (which has always been my type), and everyone comments on how alike they look. They go to the same barber, shop at the same places, and live in the same small town. It feels like such a strange coincidence.

A while ago, my boyfriend saw Nate around town and they actually spoke. Hearing that they looked so similar made something click in my head, and I started thinking about everything again.

A few months later, Nate and his girlfriend broke up. I hate admitting this, but my heart jumped a little. I didn’t act on it because I love and respect my partner.

Then, about two weeks after their breakup, Nate messaged me on the only app I still had him on. He asked me something about a change I had made. My boyfriend told me not to reply, but I did. It was just a simple conversation, and I ended up blocking Nate afterward.

But I have another account on the same app, and Nate found it.

We started talking again.

This time, it became flirty.

And I feel horrible. I live with my boyfriend. I know what I’m doing isn’t fair, and I don’t even know why I can’t stop.

There’s just something about Nate that I can’t seem to let go of. Maybe it’s because I never got closure. Maybe it’s because he was my first love. Maybe it’s because part of me is still waiting for the version of him I wanted him to be.

We’ve been talking secretly for almost a month, and I feel sick with guilt.

The confusing part is that Nate says he doesn’t want anything serious because he’s just come out of a long-term relationship — which I understand. But then why reach out to me? Why reopen this door knowing I have a partner? He knows I’d always have a soft spot for him. He knows how much power he has over me, and I hate that.

I don’t want to hurt my current boyfriend. He has done nothing wrong. He loves me, understands me, and gives me the kind of relationship I always wanted.

But I can’t ignore that a part of me is still stuck in the past.

I don’t know what to do. I feel torn between someone who feels like a piece of my history and someone who is actually choosing me in the present.

I need honest advice. Has anyone been through something like this? How do you let go of someone who was your first love when a part of you still feels attached?