Confession

I’ve been meeting married women for the last couple of years, and I only recently realized what actually goes on in my head.It isn’t even about the woman most of the time.It’s the mangalsutra.The second I notice it, something changes in my head. It’s like I’m suddenly aware that this person has an entire life outside of me. A husband, a home, people who know her as someone completely different.
That’s the part I can’t explain.I think that’s my guilty pleasure.Not because I hate marriages or get off on ruining them. It’s more the fact that I’m drawn to something that’s never supposed to be mine. The more off-limits it feels, the more it stays in my head.
I’ve tried figuring out where that comes from, but I honestly don’t have an answer. Maybe it’s just how my brain is wired. Maybe it’s the thrill of the forbidden. I don’t know.I’m not posting this because I feel guilty or because I want people to tell me I’m a bad person. I just realized that what I’ve been chasing all this time wasn’t really the person.
It was the feeling that came with it.Curious if anyone else has ever had a realization like that, where you suddenly understood what actually attracted you, and it wasn’t what you thought it was.