My insomnia made me attempt to end myself.

About a week ago I just gave up on living with this horrible condition and decided to just end it all. I mixed a ton of different drugs that should have killed me, like, really, I mixed everything you should not and in large amounts. I woke up with my dad shaking me violently and smacking my face. I really thought I was dead and that my father was God or something for a minute or so before I got more awake.

After this my father called the emergency, so police and an ambulance came to get me. I was disappointed that I had not died and was still determined to do it, so I packed a backpack with some water and ran out into the woods. I was heavily under the influence, so my memory is not so good, but I knew an old radio mast tower or something similar that was on a small mountain close by. I wanted to go there, climb up, and then jump. But I was so gone in my head I could not find it.

I was constantly falling and stumbling around; at some point I fell in some moss and was so exhausted that I took my backpack as a pillow and slept in the forest in shorts and a t-shirt. The mosquitos and other animals had a field day eating me. I was out for 8 hours, and the police had started a search party to find me with dogs, drones, and everything. But they could not find me, and I was just out walking randomly in the forest, falling and hurting myself a lot.

Finally, I came to a road and fell into the ditch. I could not get up from it since I was so tired from walking and crawling in the forest and also under the influence of a lot of drugs. Finally, I pick up my phone and turn it on. My mother calls me, and I answer. Obviously, she was very worried about me and wanted me to say where I was. I could not open Google Maps in the state I was in, so my mother asked me to open a video call and show how the surroundings looked, so I did that. My mother and others found my location by looking on Google Maps Street View, and after some hours in the ditch, an ambulance came and picked me up.

I was still disappointed that I was alive, but I understood that I was not meant to die this day and kind of just accepted that life will go on.

I have gone to the doctors many times asking for help, but they never did anything, but after this I finally am getting help and stronger medications for sleep that I need. I had to almost die for them to understand how much insomnia is ruining my life. I feel much better now, and I hope they will send me to a special clinic we have here in Sweden that is specialized in sleeping issues. I live in the north of Sweden, so it will be a long stay for me there.

I don't know what I want to say with this story really; I still feel strange that I am alive since what I took should have killed me. I hope I can get the help I need now so I never get to this point again.