I (23F) feel like I lost myself in this relationship. Did I actually do something unforgivable?

Hey everyone. I'm sorry if this is long. I'm still trying to process everything, and I can't really formulate my thoughts properly right now.

So, I met this guy (let's call him BFF) at university. We clicked almost instantly. He was funny, and in many ways, he felt like a reflection of myself. After talking for about 3–4 months, he became my best friend.

At the time, I was recovering from another heartbreak. My ex (Guy 1) admitted he had been talking to someone else and told me I didn't help him grow, that I wasn't funny enough, wasn't pretty enough, wasn't his preferred "short-haired, open-minded girl." My confidence was completely shattered.

To distract myself, I threw myself into university life. I joined clubs, started doing well there, participated in CTFs, and gradually started feeling like I was rebuilding myself.

Around that time, I made a Messenger group with five other classmates. There were six of us in total, and I was the only girl. Eventually, two of the guys developed feelings for me.

I had feelings for BFF, but I never told him because I didn't want to ruin our friendship.

Eventually, BFF and I got together. The other two guys became distant, which I completely understood, and honestly, I felt guilty about it.

One incident still bothers me. One of those guys (Guy 2) complained that his legs hurt from walking. I jokingly asked him to show his step count. Instead, he sent a picture of his feet and joked, "Do you want thigh pics too?"

I was annoyed, so I sarcastically replied, "Sure, I'll post them on Grindr. Won't you do that much for your HG?"

My boyfriend saw the conversation because he was in the group chat too. He immediately accused me of cheating. I genuinely never crossed any boundaries with anyone, but I admit my joke was stupid and unnecessary.

After that, I left the group. Over time, I slowly stopped talking to almost every guy because I became scared of being misunderstood. He never explicitly asked me to do that, but it happened naturally because I wanted to avoid another conflict.

The problem was that I gradually lost almost all of my friends. As a woman in computer science, my social circle was already mostly male, so isolating myself left me feeling incredibly lonely.

There was another issue. Before we dated, he had a crush on another girl who had rejected him. Even after we got together, he continued reacting to almost every one of her posts. She rarely interacted with other people, yet she frequently commented and reacted on his posts.

It made me uncomfortable because he barely reacted to anyone else's posts except mine and hers.

When I gently brought it up, he got furious and accused me of controlling his social media. Later, he discussed the issue with his HG. She apparently told him he was wrong, and only then did he decide to restrict her account.

What hurt me most was that he messaged her(the crush) saying something like, "My girlfriend has a problem with you, so I'm restricting you. Please forgive me."

I felt like I'd been portrayed as the controlling girlfriend instead of someone who had simply expressed discomfort.

As time passed, I became increasingly lonely. During every university break, he spent time with friends, family, or side hustles, which I genuinely respected. But I also needed some quality time with him.

Initially, I asked for it. Eventually, I stopped because I felt guilty, like I was pressuring him.

Whenever I tried to vent about my day, he'd interrupt and tell me my problems were "easily solvable" or that I was overreacting. I didn't necessarily want solutions. I just wanted someone to listen.

Eventually, I stopped talking about my day altogether.

Another thing that hurt me happened when he reposted a relationship meme implying that a girlfriend took everything for granted until the boyfriend finally left her.

That broke my heart because I constantly thanked him for everything he did and apologized whenever I hurt him. He later admitted that repost wasn't about me, but it still hurt because his friends could easily assume it was.

Earlier in the relationship, he'd also accused me of cheating because of that joke in the group chat, and I never felt like he corrected that impression with anyone after understanding what had actually happened. Heck, he admitted it to me.

The breakup started over something I said that he interpreted as a "poke." I kept explaining that I wasn't upset about him talking to one of his female friends that day. In fact, I hadn't even noticed they'd been talking.

He didn't believe me.

He became so frustrated that he said he'd end his friendship with her.

I actually contacted her myself and told her there wasn't any issue between us and that I genuinely had no problem with them having a healthy friendship(hehe).

Things seemed fine.

Then, during another argument, he told me to show the message I had sent to a hundred random people if I thought I was right.

I mentioned that even his friend had initially said it wasn't a "poke."

His response was to forward our entire private conversation to her and ask her to judge me.

She later created a group chat called "Poke Verdict" to discuss whether my message was actually a poke.

That was one of the most humiliating experiences I've ever had.

I never gave anyone permission to judge my relationship or my intentions in a group chat. What hurt me wasn't whether she agreed or disagreed with me. It was that my boyfriend thought it was completely okay to hand over our private conversations to someone else and let them evaluate me.

I still don't understand why he couldn't simply believe me.

There's more to the story, but this post is already way too long. I'll explain the rest in another post.

Am I missing something here? Was I genuinely as unreasonable as I was made to feel?